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Oct. 19, 2020

Episode #9 - Interview with Bev Lewis on Relationships, Mindset and Health

Episode #9 - Interview with Bev Lewis on Relationships, Mindset and Health

What an awesome conversation with Bev Lewis.  I learned so much about relationships, health, and the wonderful work that Bev is doing to save families and children from the pain and suffering that is caused by the traditional divorce court process.

Bev is an accredited family mediator. She's the founder and owner of Positive Solutions Divorce Services.  She's training also to become an integrated health coach. She previously has a background in paramedics and she's also the recipient of the BMO Celebrating Women's 2016 award for expansion and growth in small businesses.

You can connect with Bev Lewis @ www.positivesolutions.ca
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/positivesolutionsdivorce
Linkedin https://www.linkedin.com/in/positivesolutionsdivorce/
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/helpfordivorce/
Twitter https://twitter.com/helpfordivorce
Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWj2uZT-mqpTolCf23295VA/


Malvin Young (00:00:00):

Welcome to be, do have a simple formula to Uncomplicate your life. My name is Malvin Young. I'm a speaker entrepreneur and brand partnership manager with a well-known TV production company. This show is about a straightforward formula that I've used to coach hundreds of people over the last 15 years to overcome many challenges. Personally, I don't like to coach on any area of life that I haven't improved on myself. So lucky for you. I've had to overcome big challenges in the areas of relationship, finances, health, anxiety, and depression. Then after a crazy car accident, I had to do it all over again. I'm really excited about the show today, because what I'm about to share with you has made a huge impact on my life. And more importantly, I've seen many others who have practices methods, breakthrough barriers that have been holding them back their entire lives.

Malvin Young (00:00:52):

Also, please subscribe to get the most value out of this podcast as each episode, we'll build on each other. Welcome to episode number nine, where I have the honor and privilege of sitting down with Bev Lewis. You know, Bev has very unique insights into relationships, health, and life in general. And I really can't wait to have this conversation today, but she's an accredited family mediator. She's the founder and owner of positive solutions, divorce services. She's training also to become an integrated health coach. She previously has a background in paramedics and she's also the recipient of the BMO celebrating women's 2016 award for expansion and growth in small businesses. I'm so excited to have her on the show here today. So Bev, thanks so much for being here today with us.

Bev Lewis (00:01:46):

Well, thank you so much for having me, Malvin. I'm very excited to have this conference.

Malvin Young (00:01:50):

Awesome. You know, I was mostly excited. Well, a couple of reasons why I'm so excited as a, every time you and I have a conversation, it ends up spinning off to so many interesting topics. And like sometimes I call you and it's just like a simple question, but then we go on to pretty deep conversations or we hit areas that, you know, I learned something new and I just always love having conversations with you. And, um, as I was building out this podcast show and as our audience is building, people are asking, uh, to talk about certain topics and relationships are, you know, one of the topics that, that come up quite a bit. Uh, and it's, it's inevitable. I mean, we can't run from them. We're, we're in relationships, uh, throughout our lives from when we're born all the way through till we die.

Malvin Young (00:02:39):

And, uh, there's nobody better that I would like to have on the show to talk about relationships. I just think you have such a unique insight into relationships based on your background and what you do. Uh, so for that reason, I couldn't wait to have you on here, but also there's so many other topics that I know we could talk about. And one of them, for sure, I'd like to talk his health as well. You got some really deep knowledge and every time we talk about health, I learned something new that spins me off into a new direction, which helps me out quite a bit. So I'd love to maybe get into a bit of that today. And, uh, I'd also really, uh, love to learn a little bit more about your, uh, um, business, uh, what you do. Uh, well, I know about that stuff, but I'd love to dig a little deeper and also, um, give some of that unique insight to our audience listening here today.

Malvin Young (00:03:31):

Uh, and also you and I had done some coaching together in the past, and I would love to really bring up some of those conversations today, if you don't mind. Um, simply because, you know, you're one of those people that I coach that really took my game to a new level in the sense that you took on the work, you did the work, and I learned a lot by coaching you. So I really do appreciate, uh, um, that experience, but to start this off, I would really love to hear Bev's story. Why don't we tell the audience about Bev?

Bev Lewis (00:04:07):

Yeah, absolutely. And thank you so much for all of that, uh, that wonderful insight that you've, you've talked to me about, uh, uh, or talks to the audience about today. Um, yeah, we've, um, we've definitely had some wonderful conversations and, you know, every time I get a phone call from Malvin, I, I get excited because there's so many new things that are happening in, in my life and his life and, and, you know, it's, it's always great to have a conversation with you. So thank you. Um, so a little bit of my background. Uh, I was a paramedic for 28 years, um, and it was an awesome job. Um, my family grew up in the, um, in the funeral business and my father owned the ambulance service when I was growing up. So we did see a lot of, of, you know, sadness and death and, and injuries and that kind of thing.

Bev Lewis (00:05:07):

And I learned from a very young age that, um, basically not to take that those emotions on myself, that this is, this is people's journey. You know, people are going through their own journey and, and I'm there to, to help them to get through that time in their life. So, um, I learned a lot through my, my paramedic years and, uh, it was a real privilege to be able to support and serve my community in, um, 2002, I went through a divorce with my first husband and it turned out to be pretty nasty. And I was looking for a way to exit the paramedic field because as I was getting older, um, you know, my, my body didn't appreciate, uh, lifting 250 pound drunk men on stretchers out of the ditches on the coldest day of the year and, uh, not getting sleep and not, um, not eating three square meals a day and that kind of thing.

Bev Lewis (00:06:20):

So I was looking for a way out and I, and I hadn't found it, but when I went through my own separation, um, we tried mediation. Uh, it, it didn't work for us. We ended up in and out of court for 10 years, um, at the beginning of the process and throughout the process, actually I self-represented, my ex-husband hired a lawyer every time we went into court. And so I learnt a lot of stuff with respect to family law, and very early on in the process we were at court, we were ordered to the mediation center, um, by the judge and I was talking to the mediator and, you know, we had a fairly good discussion and she said, you know, you would be really good at this job. And it really triggered something inside of me that this was an opportunity for me. Um, I never really have the, um, mindset that things are happening to me.

Bev Lewis (00:07:30):

I, I have the mindset that things are happening for me. So, and I always kept that in the back of my mind when I was going through my, my separation and all that time in and out of court, how can I use these experiences to empower myself and to help others? So in 2006, um, the union, the universe gave me a kind of a kick in the butt. I was on my way to a call with my partner. And I asked my partner, do you think the County would allow me to take a six month leave of absence? So I can go back to school and, and get my training in mediation? And she says, yeah, why don't you just ask? So as I was exiting the ambulance to go into this person's house, I tripped on a, um, on a sidewalk, um, yeah. On, on the side of a sidewalk and I badly injured my ankle and it took me out of work for a year and a half.

Bev Lewis (00:08:47):

So that was my, again, I'm, I'm thinking this is not happening to me. This is happening for me. And I would just put out to the universe that I would like to take some time off to go and get retrained into, into a new career. So instead of giving me six months, um, I was given a year and a half. And so while I was, you know, going through my surgeries and, um, having to get my ankle fixed, I was also able to do my studies. So, uh, in 2008, I started my first, my first, um, business while I started my business positive solutions, divorce services in the attic of a fertility clinic. Um, and there's some humor to that because, you know, you think I'm, I'm helping people going through divorce while the, uh, the, uh, the business that's underneath me, they're trying to have babies.

Bev Lewis (00:09:54):

So that was the, um, that was the start of my career. Um, I had a business coach at the time and he was trying to help me to expand so that I could get out of the ambulance business. And so I ended up opening a second office in Ajax. And from there I just expanded and I currently have 33 offices across Ontario. And, um, my, the, the, the privilege that I have is helping couples that are going through separation and divorce to get through that time with the least amount of overwhelm, anguish, um, anger towards each other, uh, finances and, and in a timeframe that gets them what they need. And when I say get them what they need, um, there's, there's a lot that's underlying with, with that, uh, in terms of helping them move forward in their life, helping them to co-parent their children learn how to co-parent their children. Um, just there's, there's a lot under that. So it has been, it's been a journey for me, a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, literally all of those things, but, um, with, with Malvin's help and other business coach help, it's certainly been an absolute, amazing journey to be on

Malvin Young (00:11:38):

Bev. Thanks so much for sharing that. I really appreciate you sharing your story so much insight and what you just said. You know, one of the big takeaways that I just heard myself, and I've heard this saying before, but it was long, and I haven't really thought about it much, but now I'm going to bring it to the forefront of my life. You said, life doesn't happen to me. It happens for me. And I thought that was an interesting insight. If we all thought that way, you know, we can kind of stop being the victim in life, you know, and things happen to us. I mean, you break your ankle and you're like, you know, in retrospect, looking back at that and saying like, thank God that happened.

Malvin Young (00:12:22):

And because if it hadn't, I wouldn't have had the time that I needed to learn and, uh, you know, move into my business. And it's interesting that you say I put it out there. A lot of people say that loosely and not really understand that, you know, you do have to put your goals out there. You either write them out or say them, or just get them out of our heads. And I think when we put that out into the universe, I think it does respond. We may not see it instantly, but it does respond. And thanks for that insight. And thanks for sharing your story here, Bev, um, you know, when you were in, um, I'd love to talk about paramedics for a moment here. I just, I find that world so fascinating mainly because I think they see so much that we, the public may never experience or see in our lives. And I think paramedics can become strong through those experiences. Uh, like you had mentioned, you know, you had, you had grown through those experiences, but what are some of the biggest insights that you can share with our audience, uh, from your time of being a paramedic? Uh, and what are some big insights that you've learned for yourself?

Bev Lewis (00:13:34):

Yeah, that's a really good question because, um, there were a lot of patients that I transported to the hospital and not only was I looking after the patients themselves, but also their, their family members and, you know, people in when they're in that state of emotional turmoil, physical pain, um, uh, anguish from, from, you know, the death and dying process. It's not just about my skills as a paramedic. It's a lot about how I dealt with, with people. Um, the compassion, the empathy, um, you know, holding somebody's hand that I'm taking to the hospital for the last time, knowing that they're going to the hospital to die, um, fam families that have young children that have, that have passed away and, and I've had to go and pick them up from their families and take them to the hospital, not just dealing with the young child, but also dealing with, with the parents. Um, it, it taught me a lot about compassion and I have taken that across in basically in every area of my life, but now in the area of separation and divorce. Because again, I talk quite often to my clients about the grievance process. So the grieving process as a, as a paramedic, taking patients to the hospital, um, talking to them, helping them through that is very similar to the grieving process of now helping clients to go through a separation. So

Malvin Young (00:15:48):

Bev, I have to, I have to ask you something just, I got to cut in for one second here, because I, the first thing I'm getting is that's gotta be hard. Like, I mean, I'm listening to this and I can't even watch a hospital show myself personally. Like I see somebody in pain, I'm in pain. I had to take my puppy to the vet this morning. I'm in pain. It's like, I take on this pain that other people have. I remember my daughters when they're younger, if they're sick and they're crying and pain or whatever, like I would take, I would feel that pain, you know, people would just call me an over sensitive person and I would just kind of stick with that story. Yeah. I'm over sensitive, but, uh, help me out here for a minute. Sure. There's listeners thinking the same way. Like how, how do we see these things? How do we experience these things and then how do we process them?

Bev Lewis (00:16:51):

Well, I have, I'm very, very fortunate because, like I said, um, when I was growing up, my father owned four funeral homes and he owned the ambulance service that I then grew up and worked in for, for as long as I did. So, right from the time that I was a newborn, I was witnessing death and dying. You know, I would see when there were bodies that were coming into the funeral home and being prepared for the families, it was taught to me for, from a very young age, not to take on their stuff, the family stuff, I'm here to support them as much as I can with the skills that I have. But if I get emotional, I won't be able to do my job properly. If I'm, if I'm in the panic mode, the emotional mode, the stress mode that the families are in during these times, then I'm not going to be servicing them properly. I'm not going to be able to provide them with my strength, um, and, and help them to, to get to the next stage.

Malvin Young (00:18:26):

Yeah. Bevy something, uh, big time in the sense that, like I take on this stuff, even when I see it on TV and it, it seems silly on the outside. Like if I tell my wife this it's silly, you know, but like, for me, it's real. Like I take it on. And I just realized that when I do take it on, it actually pours into other areas of my life as well, too, as simple as watch, I cannot watch a hospital show, whether it was like somebody going into a surgery or they're dying of cancer or something like, I can't watch it. Um, but I realize just in that conversation that you had is that like, the reality is I can't take that on and I shouldn't take that on because Hey, it's TV, it's fake, uh, B if it was real, um, it's maybe not mine to take on.

Malvin Young (00:19:21):

And maybe I can, uh, um, look at it from a perspective, if I do take it on, what else is it affecting? You know, and how much service am I able to give if I'm carrying that around, you know, to my own family, things like that. So thank you for that. I really appreciate that insight. I'm sure other listeners are listening and thinking. Wow. Like that's amazing. Cause I think it's a big question that people have. How do people take that on? I've always wondered doctors and paramedics and they see this daily. I used to think they're just cold people. That was my thought, uh, because like, how do you turn that off? But I think, I think you really answered that for me in the sense of you can't take it on because then you're, you can't serve and that's

Bev Lewis (00:20:10):

In the world of PTSD right now. Um, you know, that's a, that's a fairly new term, uh, PTSD. There's, there's more and more people that are, are going off or struggling with, with PTSD. And I personally think that a lot of that has to do with them taking on other people's stuff and not being able to process it properly. I was also, I'm also very fortunate. I have three sisters that were all in the health field and my father, of course, the funeral home in the, in the ambulance service. Um, so if I had a tough call that, um, that I struggled with, I could just make a phone call and say, Hey, I had a rough call. Um, you know, can we talk about it? And I kept bringing myself back and my family brought myself back and I have taught my children that you have two choices.

Bev Lewis (00:21:14):

You can be a victim or take people's stuff on and have to deal with that. Um, or in your own circumstance, you can be a victim. So, Oh, poor me. This is happening to me. Or you can use your experiences to empower yourself and, and to empower others. And specifically went through when I went through my own divorce, um, I have four kids and they were at the time they were all minor. Uh, they were all 16 and younger and that was one of the things that I showed them, not just talks to them about, but I showed them because this is happening for me. Look at where I have come because of those experiences. Um, and so I showed them, you have a choice, you can be a victim or you can use your experiences to empower yourself.

Malvin Young (00:22:08):

Awesome. Great. That's just another great lesson there. I really appreciate that. And, um, I know, and that's what I mean when I say, you know, I coached you, but in reality, there was a lot of coaching coming back to me. You will have a lot of this great insight and wisdom and, uh, comes from your great experiences that you've had in your life. I would love to talk a little bit about, um, within positive solutions, divorce, mediation. I know a lot of listeners also, um, you know, we all struggle with relationships at some level. Like there's no, it's like becoming a parent. There's no real book that can teach you all the scenarios and situations. You're going to go through, uh, relationships, the same thing. You know, we, we, we all jump into these things because of the chemistry at the beginning, things are so good, you know, we feel it's like we're in love and it's all great.

Malvin Young (00:23:05):

And, uh, with time I remember reading a book, um, um, I think it was called men are from Mars. Women are from Venus and they talked about, you know, that whole chemistry. And, um, the reality is that chemistry wears off for everyone, uh, at some 0.3 months, two years, but at some point it has to end and then we have to learn how to have relationships without that chemistry. And then I think, you know, my outside view in to the divorce world is that when that chemistry wears off, people are looking for that chemistry elsewhere, or, you know, maybe they get into spending money to, to get a different kind of high or, um, uh, you know, another way of trying to replace that chemistry, uh, or they get re really heavily involved in work so that they can try to achieve something to replace that chemistry, whatever it is.

Malvin Young (00:24:04):

Uh, that's just my outside view into it. But I'd love to hear your view because you're seeing people at the point where, you know, they've made a decision, the relationship is over. Um, and I think you get a really good, um, a different insight than most people because you're sitting down and talking with these people, uh, as they're going through the process, tell our listeners here, what are some of the biggest, uh, or maybe what is the biggest insight that you have into relationships by seeing everyone at the tail end of a relationship where they're breaking up? What is the biggest insight you can give us?

Bev Lewis (00:24:47):

Well, I, I think for me, what I'm seeing is the emotional impact of the breakdown of a relationship. Um, my, so I want to back up just a little bit with, with my history. So my parents, when I was 13, my parents went through a separation. It was nasty. Um, then I went through a separation when I, about 15 years after I got married to my first husband, and now I'm helping other people going through their separation. Things have really changed with respect to, uh, separation and divorce from a standpoint where it's, it's more accessible, acceptable today than it was 15 years ago, 30 years ago, 50 years ago. Right. So when my parents separated, it was very, um, closed. Nobody talked about it. We, my mother moved away. Uh, we basically never saw her again. My father got into a new relationship, um, but nobody ever talked about it.

Bev Lewis (00:26:10):

Then when I went through my separation. Oh, and when I w when my parents went through their separation, I was the only one in my whole school whose and I went to a small school, but in the whole school whose parents had separated, definitely. Yes. So I had nobody to relate to, nobody could relate to me. Um, when I went through my separation, it was a little bit more, yeah. You know, it's too bad. I'm sorry to hear that. You should really should try counseling. Um, my S my sister pushed and pushed and pushed and said, if you went through, if you went to church, if you became religious, this wouldn't happen. You know, you could get back together. Um, there was a lot of denial. There was a lot of anger. Um, all of those, all of those emotions. Now, what I'm seeing is that it's more acceptable separation and divorce is more acceptable. And so I'm seeing less anger. I'm seeing less, um, emotional attachment. So my clients that are coming to me have made the decision together. They want to, co-parent effectively. They want to remain, um, in, in, on good terms with each other, not so much friends because that probably won't happen, but they want to remain on good terms. Um, but there's one thing that I see consistent across the board.

Bev Lewis (00:27:58):

One, there's only two emotions, anger, sorry, fear and love. So people that are going through the anger stage and they're fighting and they just, they just, you know, can't talk to each other. They are in a state of fear. So what is going to happen to me when we separate, how am I going to be able to co-parent our children, how am I going to be able to afford being out on my own, um, financially, you know, how, how is this all going to affect me? So there's a lot of fear around separation and divorce, then there's the other standpoint of love. So when I went through my divorce, I really, really tried to maintain that love connection. Although I was not, I was no longer in love with my husband, I still, and even to this day, and I haven't seen him since 2012, um, I still love him because I went through 15 years with him.

Bev Lewis (00:29:05):

I had four kids, you know, we did have some good times. So I think a lot of it is mindset. There is that grieving process that you have to go through. There's, there's denial and anger and guilt and bargaining, and then acceptance. So if, if people realize that there are stages that they're going to, they're going to go through and what stage they are in at the time. And the fact that there's, you know, the, the fear and love emotion. Um, I think it will trigger people to be able to have a better divorce than when my parents divorced and when I divorced, because it is more acceptable as well. So, um, being able to, to share their story with other people and say, you know, I'm really angry right now, or, Oh my goodness. I would do anything to have him come back.

Malvin Young (00:30:09):

Yeah. I think one thing that I constantly hear is how positive you are and your, your positive view on things, you know, this other, uh, part just came up for me. I think you would personally rather there'd be no such thing as divorce. I think I know you're there to serve people and you have so much compassion and you want to help them through the process. But, you know, I never hear you, like in any way. And I've seen, you know, I've looked at when I was helping you through, uh, your business growth and things like that. Obviously, part of what I've done is looked at your competitors in that. And it's almost like there's a promotion to promote the divorce. And you're the total opposite spectrum of that in the sense of like, you want to see people happy and thriving, and, but it is inevitable, isn't it in today's world. Like we just see it, uh, I'm wondering how much of it, and maybe you can give me some insight into this, but how much of it is just bad choice at the very beginning? Like, I mean, you're dealing with that at the tail end, but like, do you, do you think that's just like some bad choices going on out there and that's inevitably going to unfold into a divorce later?

Bev Lewis (00:31:26):

Yeah. Well, I mean, I've, I've got my own theories on that. I mean, you know, you're with a partner for a little while and you've, you know, every girl has been brought up to have that, that fairy tale, princess wedding, they want a big party. Um, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Um, you know, if, if they're marrying the right person or not, they just want that party. Now, I'm not, I'm not saying that about everybody, but, uh, you know, some people do make not so great choices, but again, um, you know, my daughter is going through a separation right now and I keep bringing her back to the fact that this is happening for you. Like, what are you learning from this? Uh, what I went through my divorce, I said, I'm not going to get into another relationship until I do some of my own work, because it's, it's a 50 50 relationship, right?

Bev Lewis (00:32:29):

Like I'm bringing my baggage into the relationship. My partner is bringing his baggage into the relationship. So I would like to work on my baggage so that I'm not bringing in bringing that into my new relationship, but there was also something else that I said to myself is that I would never get into another relationship without having a coach. Because again, we're bringing our own history into a relationship, our own fears, our own experiences. And without having somebody there in your back pocket to walk you through some of the difficult times, you're probably not going to survive your relationship. And because there are going to be difficult times. So how are you going to, how are you going to handle that when they come up? Um, so yeah, I hope that answered your question.

Malvin Young (00:33:33):

Yeah, it does. It really does. And, um, I, it made me think, you know, when I got into a relationship with my wife, I remember I had been through many bad relationships before that. And now in retrospect, I mean, I grew up enough to point all fingers back at me. I don't blame any one of them for anything, except I did not know how to manage relationships. I had no idea. My thought was like, if you can't make me happy, then like let's just not be together. And, uh, I remember getting into this relationship and I had learned that lesson and I thought, you know, I'm going to take the pressure off of this relationship, right from the beginning. So I told my wife, I said, you know, when we started dating at the beginning, I just said, listen, I want you to know that if we're going to a we're, if we're going to do this, we're going to continue this relationship.

Malvin Young (00:34:32):

It has to be a forever thing. It has to be something that we both commit to a through and through B. I want you to know that my job is not to make you happy. And I want you to know that your job is to not make me happy. I want us to have the freedom to work on ourselves, because happiness is supposedly something that comes from within. It's not something you can bring out of somebody. It's not something you can make somebody do. You can't make them be happy. You, you know, you could do things that might put a smile on their face, uh, once in a while. But, uh, and I found for me personally, like it's working in the sense of like that pressure's off. I, my job is not to make her happy. She has the freedom to grow as a human being learn and, uh, tap into her own happiness and vice versa.

Malvin Young (00:35:26):

And I think that by me working on myself, I potentially make things more better for her and vice versa. Um, but I, and think that's why now, in retrospect, when I look back, I'm just wondering, what are the expectations? People are setting on each other when they get into these relationships at the very beginning. And I know you're seeing that when it's unfolding at the very end, but do you ever hear what some of those expectations are like, and maybe there are some trends into what type of expectations people are setting on each other when they first get together?

Bev Lewis (00:36:03):

Well, I, I hear a lot of clients through my divorce business say, um, he doesn't make me happy or she doesn't make me happy anymore. So that's a very good point. Um, it's, it's not my job to make my husband happy. It's not my husband's job to make me happy. But as a collective, we have to have those conversations when, when w we have a low time, right? Because it's, again, every, every relationship is going to have struggles. So how are we going to deal with those struggles? And there is, um, some component to having that commitment. Like you're saying that you, you committed to your wife before you, um, before you, or while you were married, or while you were together, that this was going to be a forever thing in today's world with the fast pace. And the, I want everything right now, and you know, I'm not going to wait for anything.

Bev Lewis (00:37:08):

So if you're not making me happy, I'm going to go find somebody that is going to make me happy. Um, you know, you, you have to kind of say, well, good luck to you because that's not your partner's job to make you happy. Uh, but it's, it's interesting because yeah, a lot of my clients are, are saying the same thing. We've, we've grown apart. And that's, that's what happened to my first husband. And I, we just grew apart. There wasn't anything that either one of us did wrong, really. Um, our, we just didn't fit together anymore. And, but, but yeah, the probably the number one issue that I see coming through my practice is that she, she does make, make me happier. He doesn't make me happy. And so now I have found somebody that's going to make me happy and, you know, a new partner, um, uh, an affair, that kind of thing, where it's still new and you still have those new feelings and, you know, they last for a year or so. And then they're going to be right back into the, into the crux of the relationship. And, um, I was doing some coaching with somebody a while back, and they said, where you, wherever you go, you will be there. So if you're leaving a relationship because it's not working and you go into another relationship, well, you're going to be there if you're leaving a town, because you don't like the community, the new town that you're going to go to, you're going to be there.

Malvin Young (00:38:58):


Bev Lewis (00:38:59):

You need to work on yourself, not expect everybody else around you to change.

Malvin Young (00:39:04):

Yeah. Bev, you bring up a really interesting point then, uh, I hope the listeners, uh, listening to this really can take some of that in, because I was told by one of my mentors a while back too, which was, uh, he drew on a board. And I think I probably went through this with you as well, too, or just talking about relationships through one of our sessions. But like we, when a couple is in an argument, who's at fault, is it 50 50? Is it a hundred percent them? Or is it a hundred percent you and most people would say, well, it depends on the argument. Depends on the scenario. Depends on all of that stuff. And my mentor would argue that it's always 100% you, and that's hard to take on. It's really hard to take on, especially in the heat of the moment. I know that for sure, but it gives me a lot of power to understand that I have way more responsibility and I can only change when I'm pointing my fingers back at me. If I'm constantly saying it's 50%, her fault, or a hundred percent her fault, I can't change anything over there. I can only change what's going on here with me. Uh,

Bev Lewis (00:40:29):

There's a couple of things I'll say to that because, um, the, Oh, I just lost my train of thought here. Um, there was only between between action and re between action and reaction. There's a space. And in that space, you have the power to make the decision how you're going to respond and there. And the other thing too, is that an argument, an argument can only have an argument. Let me get this one. Right. An argument takes two people. So there can't be an argument with only one person. So it's your responsibility, it's your choice. Whether you want to engage with that person in that argument.

Malvin Young (00:41:30):

Absolutely. And that's what I got out of that whole message, as well as that I am responsible. I don't have to argue, but my reaction was to argue. Yes. So, and I think sometimes in all areas of our life, we just need to slow things down a little bit, you know, and realize that we have choices available, that we can choose how we're going to respond to the situation, including walking away and going to cool down and be a bit more methodical about what's happening. Absolutely. And I, and I think we don't do that a lot in our world. Like you said, there's so much instant gratification that needs to be fulfilled. We are like, I was watching a comedy show the other day and it just showed me how spoiled we have become us human beings. Like the guy was saying that he's sitting on an airplane and the guy next to him on the airplane is complaining because his wife isn't working on his phone and he's like, Oh my God.

Malvin Young (00:42:39):

Like, I just, like, I can't get over it. My wife, like, I, I just hit send, like, it's not even going, this is what, how the guy was complaining. And he's like, buddy, you're on an airplane, 40,000 feet in the air. Give it a moment. It's got to go to outer space. It's got to hit a satellite and come back and it's got to move. I mean, we're just so like, we need everything now. And it's, it's unbelievable. I'm sure that's having a huge impact on relationships, but also to, you know, to bring up another point here, we're dealing with this COVID pandemic now. And people that, you know, for some people, life is slowing down a little bit in the sense that they don't have to do all the things that they used to have to do. Uh, and I don't know if we're equipped to dealing with slow paced life. If we've been dealing with past like really fast paced life for so long. And then all of a sudden everything's on lockdown. And now we have to slow things down, which is what people have been asking for for so long. And now we get it, but most people don't know how to deal with it. How are you seeing the impact of COVID this whole time pace change and how that's impacting relationships today?

Bev Lewis (00:44:00):

Well, that's, that's a really good question because, um, I mean, COVID has, has affected everybody. Uh, there's not one person out there that, that it has not affected in some way, either in a positive way or are in a negative way. Again, the way I look at it is that COVID COVID is happening and I'm not using this as, Oh, poor me, you know, look what what's happened to my business. I'm using this as well. My goodness Koba does here, how am I going to shift my business? How am I going to still be able to help clients get through their separation in the most effective way with not being able to be face-to-face with them? Um, I ha I made a decision to move. So we are now living up in Cod more in cottage country. Um, I've shifted my business to all online.

Bev Lewis (00:45:00):

Um, my stress level, because I had, I have 33 offices. I had 11 team members. Um, it was, it was pretty busy life. And now I've, um, I've made some decisions in my life and I've really been able to, to slow down, um, having all my clients online, I don't have the travel. Um, you know, I'm not running out to meetings every day and I've really taken it as a great opportunity to slow myself down because I was go, go, go, go, go all the time. So for clients, um, I'm seeing, um, I'm seeing more clients coming in specifically because they have been in lockdown together. And if they didn't have a really strong relationship prior to COVID, um, not seeing each other all the time, because they were both working or busy life with kids, that kind of thing. It's now forced them to be together.

Bev Lewis (00:46:09):

And some people just can't, they can't deal with it. So we're finding that, um, that our phone is ringing more because they just don't want to continue a relationship together, which is really sad. It really is sad because, you know, they could, they could use this as a time of growth and getting to know each other again and, and, you know, have some of the time back that they didn't have because they were working so hard or they were on the run with the kids all the time. So yeah, I, I definitely am seeing, um, see more, more and more people that are struggling to, to be together.

Malvin Young (00:46:53):

Yeah. You know what, it really makes me think of that. I just don't know if our society is spending enough time in educating, you know, about relationships, emotional intelligence, how to respond to life or how to navigate life well enough. Like we just don't see enough education in that area. Uh, same as finances. I mean, how many good courses are there out there in school that you can get for your good tax paying dollars to touch about money?

Bev Lewis (00:47:24):

Yeah. And that's, that's a real, sorry, I don't mean to interrupt, but that's a really good point, Malvin, because a lot of my clients also come to me because of financial problems and, and especially right now, um, with COVID people aren't able to pay their bills because they're not able to work. So they have that stress and tension on, on top of the, everything else that's going on in their life. But you've made a good point because we're not taught how to, how to properly manage our money through school and through, through other resources.

Malvin Young (00:48:02):

And, uh, I can see, uh, you know, money is an ever evolving education for me, same as relationships. It's not a, a one course done process. It really takes a long time to kind of learn these topics. So, um, I can see how that's putting stress on people compound that on top of people needing things now. So no course is going to fix them anyway, because they need the result now, or it's not going to work anyway. I'm just wondering, you know, what that does to our future in the sense of we're at a point now where we came from where, um, divorce was not talked about, as you mentioned to becoming semi accepted to, I don't want to put a joke in here because it's serious stuff, relationships, but it's almost like the cool thing to do. You know, I, I just hear it's all over the place and I understand there's many situations where it's probably very necessary, but there's probably many situations where it's not necessary. And if people were to maybe hang on a little bit longer and maybe go through this a little bit stronger together, maybe they could get through it. Is that, do you see that as a possibility with a lot of the cases you deal with, or do you like feel with people where it's just like done and done and there's no, no time is going to fix that.

Bev Lewis (00:49:38):

Yeah. And so I'm gonna, I'm gonna talk a little bit about this because I think it's pretty important. You had actually made a comment earlier in the podcast about, uh, the fact that I, although I'm in the divorce business, I really don't want to see couples divorce. They have families. Most of them have families. They have kids that are watching them, um, in every single mediation, before I start a mediation, I always ask them if they have gone through what they have done to try and save their marriage, um, including marriage counseling and personal development courses, that kind of thing, because it is important. But by the time they come to me, they're, they're done, you know, they've, they've either done all that stuff or they don't want to do any of that stuff. So my job at that point is to save some type of relationships, save, you know, once they get into the court system, there's no going back.

Bev Lewis (00:50:49):

They will destroy each other forever. There there's no, um, there's no getting over that. I watched it with my family, you know, I've, I've seen it now with a lot of other families. I've helped hundreds and hundreds of clients go through this. And I've seen people coming out of the court systems and I seen people leaving mediation to go to the court system and it totally destroys families. Um, I had, like I said, I have four kids. They were all minor children at the time of my separation. Um, their dad has had no contact with them since 2012. I now have grandchildren. They he's never seen the grandchildren. You know, that's a sad, sad thing to happen, but it was totally preventable. And that's, that's what I'm trying to do now is to, to keep families out of the court system so that they can preserve some type of relationship to be able to co-parent their kids and move forward. And now I can't remember the question that you asked,

Malvin Young (00:51:59):

Oh no, you know what? I was so immersed in your answer right now that I can't remember either. And I'm going to tell you, you know,

Bev Lewis (00:52:07):

You're going to go back on this and you're going to say, she didn't really answer my question.

Malvin Young (00:52:11):

No, I, you know what I got, I got an answer to many other questions out of that answer. You just gave me. And I just want to say, you know, Bev, I, I, you just helped me put a lot of things together. And one of them is, I just want to say, thank you, first of all, because I didn't look at it in that perspective. I always looked at it as you're trying to help people, you know, have a call it a more pleasant experience through their divorce. They've already made a decision. They're going through it. You want to help them along, but also you're saving them from what could happen to them. Have if they were to go through court. And I know personally, I haven't gone through court from a car accident, and I can tell you that, although somebody hit me while I was driving and it was a pretty bad accident.

Malvin Young (00:53:09):

And, uh, it took six years to, you know, get to mediation and court and things like that. And I can remember feeling like, why are they turning me into a criminal? Like I had to take off all videos on Facebook, YouTube, anything that showed me as a healthy person. My lawyers recommended that I remove that stuff. And I said, why? And they said, because they will actually use that against you in court. They will refer to a video before your accident and say, well, look at him here in court. And look at him in the video, he looks the same. Nothing is wrong with him. And I couldn't believe that like, it created so much anger in me that like, I, I was mad at the whole process. Like I had lost my business at that point from a car accident, but I was furious.

Malvin Young (00:54:05):

I really just wanted to get past all of this, put it behind me and focus on my health, but it seemed like the court process didn't allow me to do that. It'll it really the way they viewed me as I'm a liar. So somebody hit me while I'm driving, but it turned into I'm a liar and this is their perspective. You know, the insurance company on their side, their perspective is I'm a liar. I'm just trying to get money. And, uh, that I'm not hurt, or I don't have any emotional or mental or physical disabilities based on this accident. So that's the way they want to make you appear. So I think that would make anyone angry. So I'm thinking of my own experience. And I'm thinking of people who go through divorce court, like how much are they being fed by lawyers to stand for their egos, to stand for what is quote, right.

Malvin Young (00:55:04):

Unquote you know, and is a lot of that, you know, creating the anger, the stress, the, the, uh, fighting, and then the kids have to watch all of that. So anyway, make a long story short here. Thank you for saving people from going through that process. And I think there's a lot of negativity there, and I think it really, what you highlighted is that it really does damage families on multiple levels. And there's no turning back. There would be a lot of coaching and an unwinding for somebody to go through in order to, you know, think positive about life going forward after something like that. So again, I just want to say, thank you, no matter what my question was, your answer was right. I can tell you that.

Bev Lewis (00:55:52):

Awesome. Yeah. And I mean, I could talk about the court process for hours. I mean, I was in there for, for 10 years and I, like I said, I self-represented, so I learned a lot. Um, but I've also seen my clients coming and going from the core process. And it is the most damaging thing that you could ever do to your family. And when you think about it, you know, you're, you're going to court to have a judge rule in your favor. You're hoping that a judge is gonna rule in your favor so that the other person is wrong, or you're going to get what you want. The problem with that is, is in order to have a judge rule in your favor, you have to make the other guy look like a bad guy. So you're going to bring up things from his, his past or from her past, you know, she's not a good mother or he used to, he used to drink and you know, he'd be out on the town with his guy, friends.

Bev Lewis (00:56:53):

I mean, it goes, it goes on for a long, long time. And, and you can't recuperate from that. You can't get a relationship back from that. The worst part of it is that the kids are in the middle. You know, although they're not at the court at the court house with you at the time, they're listening to you, they're listening to, Oh, well, I'm taking the deadbeat father to court, you know, and I'm going to screw them. And they're listening to you talk about their parent, the other parent that way in, in, in disgust and anger. And, and so what does it doing to the children where mediation you're coming together, you're sitting in the same room, you're having a discussion together. There's no outside parties except for the mediator that's in there. There's no lawyers that are, you know, there to, to fight, or you you're just making agreements as to what's in your best interest, in the best interest of your kids. So it saves so much in, in terms of relationships. It's, I, I say to people, if you can do anything for your children, when you're going through divorce, go through mediation, because they won't have, they won't have to go through the anguish and the anger and the negative feedback they're getting from their parents, which is going to affect them for the rest of their life.

Malvin Young (00:58:36):

Yeah. I can only imagine like how that's going to affect their relationships and how they a partner. I mean, even if you took two, uh, people who are in a healthy relationship and you were to spend an hour just highlighting all the ugly parts of each other, you wouldn't like each other by the end of it. I mean, we all have quirkiness and we all have flaws and we all have issues. And I think through the court process, what's really happening is you're highlighting that in a really nasty way, but your rights, the other person's believing it, then they get more mad at that person. So yeah. Back to thanking you, because that's a, you know, you're, you're one of the people out there that are making a difference. It is a very, um, sensitive thing for, to go through. I understand it's more accepted, but it's still a really tough thing. I'm sure for anyone to go through and, you know, thank you for making that easier, but also thank you for looking after the children. You know, I, I can hear that your whole intent is to make sure that the children, uh, have a better outcome for their future because of what you went through yourself. So it's another, thank God you went through that.

Bev Lewis (00:59:47):

And I say that to thank God that I went through that because now I can help other people go through their stuff as well.

Malvin Young (00:59:54):

Wow. Absolutely. And I do want to do a little pivot here because, uh, this is a little bit selfish of me, but like you have a great understanding of health. Health is an area that I continue to work on myself. Uh, I haven't really found my own groove within health. So I've been one of those kinds of people. That's testing out things, trying different things. Uh, I I've tried different, you know, foods, diets, uh, mindset training. And, you know, I think overall, you know, when I look at myself in the mirror or somebody else looks at me, I think I got generally good at health, but I'm always concerned about health and, uh, I'm trying to simplify it. But I, I know you've been, um, in the process of becoming a integrated health coach. But if I were somebody saying to you, like, I want to transform my health, where would I start?

Bev Lewis (01:00:59):

Well, I'm in the process of, um, taking a health, uh, health coaching course. And, um, I really like the program that I'm taking right now, because it doesn't just talk about food and what you're putting into your body. They have a concept that there's primary food and secondary food. And the primary food is all of the areas of your life. That don't relate to the food that you put into your mouth. So the primary food is just your relationships, your career, your, um, your prosperity, um, yourself, you know, self care, your home, um, joy in your life. Secondary food is the food that you're putting in your mouth. So you can have a healthy body by eating healthy food and exercising, but you're not going to have a healthy life. If you are struggling with your relationships, you're struggling with your finances. You are a workaholic and you don't have time to care for yourself.

Bev Lewis (01:02:14):

So, um, health has been, has always been a very, um, it's, it's really been an interest of mine for a long, a long time. I think I really got into it more once I became a paramedic because I was taking young people, uh, regularly to the hospital and with, with diseases that they could, that were absolutely not necessary for them to have, you know, it was diet related. It was, it was relationship related. Um, it was stress-related. And so I made a decision very early on in my paramedic career to not become one of those people. So health and nutrition and wellness has always been, um, an interest of mine. And it's, it starts from not just the food that you put into your body, but it starts from how you're caring for yourself.

Malvin Young (01:03:24):

Yeah. Bev, you know, you helped me out a lot there to Swift that answer. And I'm sure many listeners as well too, because I think we'd sometimes just try too hard to balance it all, you know? And then how are we doing within that? And by breaking it down to primary food, and it is food, like, even from what you watch and what you listen to, what you consume, uh, you're taking that into your body. If that's audio, video, visual kinesthetically, you're taking it into your body. So that is one way of feeding your body, mind, and soul. And then the other way is through the nutrition and food or the non nutrition and food either way. Uh, but that really helps me a lot because I am seeing it in that kind of framework allows me to see it as I have two simple things to do. One is make sure that what's coming in from an information standpoint is clean and healthy, uh, exercising. That's also an input. Uh, and then the secondary being, what food am I putting in my body? It's like, it's, it feels to me already, like, there's less things to balance.

Bev Lewis (01:04:42):

Yeah. Yeah. And that's a good point, Malvin, because, um, when you were talking about, you know, what you're watching on TV is, is part of what you're putting into your body. Uh, I do a presentation for York university every year, uh, twice a year, actually to the new students that are, that are being trained in mediation. And one of the things that I talked to them about is taking action, um, when they're wanting to start their own career. And one of the, one of the slides that I put up is about watching TV and the information is that the average person watches four hours of TV a day. Now I'm sure that has increased since COVID. Um, but that is 20 hours, 28 hours a week, and 1,456 hours per year. So that is just over 60 days a year of TV that they're watching, like, imagine what you could do with 60 days of, of the year, out of the year.

Malvin Young (01:05:50):

That's amazing. I, uh, I just did some math myself around hockey. I'm a poor Leafs fan and have been my whole life. And like I'm a fanatic when it comes to watching the game. And so I have literally organized parts of my life around hockey up until this year. And I think COVID really changed a lot for me to change my interest in hockey and that, but I did some of the math you were just talking about. And I was like, I watched the most games out of the year and thank God the Leafs don't go very far in the playoffs because then I'd be watching more hockey. But, um, the reality is I think it was a month and a half of my year is spent on hockey and that's a lot of time. And, uh, yeah,

Bev Lewis (01:06:47):

But don't get me wrong because you have to look at what brings you joy. You know, if watching hockey brings you joy, then absolutely, you know, spend time as long as it's not, um, taking time away from your family and your family then has resentment. Um, you know, if that, if that's what brings you joy, absolutely go for it. But I have a son-in-law who is big into football and when he watches it, if his team isn't doing well, he gets very, very angry to the, to the point that affects his family. And so, you know, we've had to have some conversations about what's important here, right? So, I mean, there's, you know, things that bring me joy, it may not bring other people die. And they're saying, Oh, you know, you, you go to the gym two and a half, two hours a day. Like that's just a waste of time. Well, you know what that's, that's what makes me happy. So it's really the individual person that you have to look at.

Malvin Young (01:07:57):

Yeah, absolutely. I think I'm getting a bit of feedback there, but, uh, what changed for me is I wasn't completely happy. So like I love competition. I love there's parts of it that I do love, but like beliefs are always an upsetting team. You know, I know your husband loves the Leafs too, and it is upsetting that, you know, we struggle with the same old story over and over again. And it's the drama piece of the hockey that I don't like at all. So I've realized taking in condensed information would be better. So my plan this year is to actually watch the 10 minutes or the 15 minute version of the game the day after and not have any, any, uh, um, you know, way of finding out what the score was, turn off my notifications on my phone. So I will not know, make sure my friends don't text me the score and just watch that 15 minutes.

Malvin Young (01:09:02):

I've done the same thing with books now, too. I think I was talking to you about this the other day, which is like, you know, we read an entire book where 95% of it is fluff and, you know, don't get me wrong. I love sometimes capturing the whole story so I can get a better context around the story, but what am I looking for? I'm looking for the value. And so I'm using this Blinkist, uh, app now, and I get my books in 15 minutes. I can now consume one to two books a day with the most important information. And I do feel better. I feel healthier as a person. Um, yeah, so I, I just think, you know, uh, that, that whole first, um, primary food thing is so important. Maybe something I haven't been looking at more than I'm discovering now for myself.

Malvin Young (01:09:57):

And I think our listeners too, would agree that like, that's just such a simplified way. Like don't make TV wrong, don't make radio wrong, but just understand that it is something that you're consuming. It is something that you are internally processing, you're bringing it into your body. And then the obvious one is physical food itself too. Uh, so thanks so much for sharing that. And, uh, is there anything else that you would say for someone who's looking to turn around their health? Cause that's, that framework is awesome, first of all, but is there any other things that you would want to tell people who are looking at transforming their health in respect to starting the process?

Bev Lewis (01:10:42):

Um, my, my take on it would be to listen to your body. Your body knows what nutrition it needs, both from food and from lifestyle. Um, it knows what it needs. And if you listen to your body, you will figure out what you should be doing for yourself. Um, if your body is in a constant state of inflammation and you have pain all the time, you're going to need to look at that at some point, you know, what's causing that pain and guaranteed pretty much, pretty much guaranteed. It's going to be food. So if you know that that, uh, weed is causing problems with inflammation, listen to your body, you know, take that, take that product out of your, of your staple every day. Um, and see what it does for you for your, for your health.

Malvin Young (01:11:48):

Now, when you listen to your body, I personally get confused by it myself only because I'm one of those hypersensitive people. I guess when I listened to my body, there's always something wrong. I tell you, like, you know, if I picked up on a little bit of pain and I zeroed in on it, like automatically I'm in more pain and therefore I try to not listen to my body so much and try to just eat better and, you know, do some exercises in that, but maybe a help me understand what you mean when you say listen to your body, because maybe I'm just thinking about it wrong.

Bev Lewis (01:12:33):

When I say, listen to your body, your body is going to give the off signals that something is not right. Okay. So you may get headaches. You may get backaches, you may be chronic, uh, in a state of chronic fatigue. You may have a whole body pain. Um, you may not be able to sleep. You may be totally stressed out and not, uh, not even know that you're stressed. One of the things that I've recently discovered with, with respect to myself is that I am, well, I knew this before, but I'm a type a personality, so I'm go, go, go. I'm always doing things. I always have to be busy. But when I went to my natural path a couple of months ago, he did some blood work on me and found that my body is in, uh, in a chronic state of stress because I don't ever sit down.

Bev Lewis (01:13:33):

And since I learned that I've been out, because I didn't know before, I've actually been able to make changes in my life so that I do have some time that I'm spending not go, go, go. And one of the things that I've recently done, uh, I call her my COVID puppy, but I got a puppy. And my, my puppy, Ellie, her is her name Ellie quite often during the day will come to me and just want to snuggle. And it's, it's allowed me say, you know what? I need to take some time and just chill with Ellie for five minutes or 10 minutes. And so that's, I mean, I've, I've now, now that I realized that I can, I actually take action. I also struggle with chronic pain as a paramedic for, for so long, almost 30 years. I have chronic body pain because I was lifting stretchers and I was lifting bags.

Bev Lewis (01:14:40):

And I was in and out of, of, um, situations that, you know, when I, when I injured my ankle. So I now take, I don't want to be on medications. So I know take what my body is telling me. And I I'm make changes based on the pain that I have. And I'm, I've, I've done a lot of work with respect to different foods. And I know that certain foods trigger that pain. So I've been now cutting out those foods because I don't want to be in pain. And although it's it's pain from lifting stretchers, it's inflammation, pain, and that inflammation gets triggered when I eat something that I shouldn't be eating. So your body can heal itself under the right questions.

Malvin Young (01:15:40):

Absolutely. You made me think of something. Um, so when I'm in, like, so if I've got a little bit of a pain, rather than focusing on it, maybe I shouldn't worry, but like, if that's becomes more consistent, then that's my body telling me something. Is that correct?

Bev Lewis (01:15:59):

Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, you might have, you might have a headache one day and, you know, go lay down and your headaches gone. You're not going to, you know, you're not going to freak out. You're not going to change your life because you had one headache. Maybe you had a headache because you got up too early or you drank the night before, or the weather's bothering you or something like that. But if you have chronic headaches, then you need to figure out why. And I, you know, all through my life, I've kind of been an, an anti hell pusher because it's like putting a bandaid on your thumb, but keep hammering your thumb. Right? You have, uh, you have chronic headaches. If you're taking medication all the time to get the, the headaches, to rid yourself of the headaches, it's not gonna change the fact that you have that your body's is trying to tell you something. So maybe it's because you're drinking every night and you need to stop drinking. Then your headaches will go away. Or maybe it's that you're so stressed that you need to do some meditation, or you need to, um, just have some vacation

Malvin Young (01:17:10):

Time for a couple, a couple of weeks. Yeah. You know, learning a lot from me here because, uh, I think sometimes I go from a to Zed, you know, like I'm like, okay, shoulders and pain, it must mean something is wrong. I'm going to have a heart attack. I'm getting older now, whatever it is, right. I go from a to Zed and I've really been trying to learn how to process things, you know? And I liked the fact that a couple things you said there, one is that, um, you know, listen to it from a point of, is it constantly there? And if it is, there's obviously something underlining, triggering that. And, um, also it sounds like, you know, it can be very subtle changes. It could be as simple as cutting wheat out. If your body isn't processing wheat, I'm one of those guys, actually, I don't do well with gluten.

Malvin Young (01:18:02):

And I could tell you that. I feel, I ha I'm not, uh, what is that disease? Celiac, celiac. I'm not celiac at all, but I could tell you that it does create inflammation for me. Uh, and it does affect, you know, my pain levels and stuff like that. And it's a very subtle change. Just don't eat gluten. And, um, it's made a huge difference for me. So I, I really respect that. You know, it can be subtle. I also, you made me think of my old naturopath. Uh, she is retired now, but she was a pharmacist for 30 years before becoming a naturopath. And I think you might've met her. Is that right? Dr. Boghossian no, I don't think maybe not. Yeah. So she met a retired before we ever got into conversations. And, uh, it was interesting her perspective because her being a pharmacist for 30 years and then getting into natural path, uh, you know, she absolutely does believe there's a time and place for medicine.

Malvin Young (01:19:06):

There is like, there's a life-changing life-saving experience that you can have with medicine, but for the most time, like 99% of the time, you don't need it. Then that kind of blew me away. Cause I was always used to, like, you got a headache, you take an Advil. I know you got this pain in your body, rub some cream on that has medicine in it, whatever. And you would get on with your life. But, uh, speaking to her, it was quite interesting to know, like my daughter, for example, she was a year and a half, two years. She was dealing with seven months of a chronic cough. And, uh, this is how I got introduced to her. The, um, doctors wanted to do x-rays on my daughter and I just thought, no, it's not gonna happen. She's too young. Uh, this is not a life death situation right now.

Malvin Young (01:19:58):

I don't want all that radiation on her. So we got introduced to dr. Boghossian for that reason. And you know, she, as my daughter within minutes doing this energy testing and all that, and I'm thinking, this is so not worth my money and time right now, but she says, um, within a few minutes that your daughter is dealing with a bacterial issue in the lungs and we're going to use native Indian tobacco, like an extract from there. She seems to respond well to it. And we're going to use that just a few droplets. I think it was 10 droplets, three times a day. And I thought there goes a $200. And, uh, you know, my, obviously my child's life is worth more than any money. However, it wasn't life or death. It was a cough, it was just an irritating cough. And I just didn't believe in it, you know, seven days her cough was gone seven days and I was blown away.

Malvin Young (01:21:04):

So from that point on, I mean, yes, I've had to see doctors from the car accident and stuff like that, but I literally would, uh, spend a majority of my time looking at a health more from a proactive perspective and, um, and dealing with her in those cases. And it was just, you know, life changing and I find more and more people Bevere like, you know, understanding this, these topics a lot better. And I have another friend named Amar who also went through a course similar to what you're going through. And it's just been so helpful for his life. You know? Um, what was your interest? Was it more for your self or is this looking like something where you want to maybe, uh, help people, uh, in another way as well?

Bev Lewis (01:21:58):

Well, it's interesting that you asked that because at the beginning of the course, the first, uh, the first week they asked what everyone's intentions were in taking the course that because we'll be trained, um, integrative health coaches when we're finished. And because I've just had a real interest in, in natural health for so long. Um, and I'm always watching videos or I'm listening to podcasts or I'm reading books. I thought, you know, why don't I spend that time and energy actually getting a designation and then that then I could help other people. So that was kind of the beginning of that, that journey with, with my health coaching. So they, they asked me, um, they asked the group, what is your intention? And I, I still can't answer that question. I'm kind of just leaving it open. I know the more that I talk about it and the more people that that I talked to about it, um, it'll be what it is.

Bev Lewis (01:23:03):

Um, I'm, I'm really, again, I really am passionate about it. Uh, I started some kind of similar story to yours. Malvin, my youngest daughter was, um, was just being introduced to, uh, solid foods and she kept getting really bad chronic ear infections. And I have a really good friend, who's an audiologist. So I took her to see the audiologist and he said, um, you need to do something now with her, or she's going to have to have tubes in her ears. And I said, there's no way my kid is getting tubes in our ear. So I'm going to go find out what's going on. And I took her to a natural path. I'd never been to a naturopath before. And he S he asked me a whole bunch of questions, what what's changed. And I had started her on, um, a milk-based cereal, uh, like pablum, or, you know what, I don't know what they call it now, but, and he says, get her off of it.

Bev Lewis (01:24:03):

It's milk-based. And so I got her off of it. She has never had another ear infection. She's never been on antibiotics and she definitely didn't need tubes. And so I thought, wow, you know, as a, as a paramedic, I'm seeing all of these, um, these medical issues that people are just taking pills, but there's another way. So I'm, I'm actually, I've actually been trained in, in both areas. You're not going to call, you're not going to call a natural path. If you get in the car accident and you have a broken leg, you know, you want to go to the hospital for that. There, there are medications for, for, um, for a good reason, you know, there, but if you have chronic headaches, find out why you're having chronic headaches, if you're having, um, uh, gut issues, find out why you're having gut gut issues, 70 between 70 and 80% of your immune health happens in your gut. It starts in your gut. So if you're, if you have chronic colds or infections, you know, figure out what you're putting into your body to cause that you don't need, you don't need medications for every little thing that that's going on, but please call an ambulance. If you know, you, you just fell off of a bridge and you've got a spinal injury.

Malvin Young (01:25:29):

Yeah, absolutely. There's definitely a time and place for both worlds there. And I think, you know, you made me realize too, that what we take in, in our primary food. So like if we're consuming information that will translate into what we're taking in, in our secondary food, the actual food, I remember commercials like called gut milk. And, uh, I don't know if you remember that commercial, but that really came up from the association of farmers, uh, because milk went down and they made you believe that you need to have milk and they'll still make you believe that, which is crazy because when we really look into milk, like my children have never drinking milk, like never, uh, you know, at the beginning, maybe a couple times, but we, we found out, thank God we had that natural path. Don't do milk. I, I haven't drank milk in about 15 years, 20 years myself. But what we take in a primary is that you should be drinking milk and it's good for your bones. And then I learned that the calcium that's in milk are, we don't even absorb that and use it properly. Anyway, it ends up turning into like kidney stones all the time.

Bev Lewis (01:26:47):

They've actually proven that people that drink milk have, have weaker bones because the milk sucks, the calcium out of the bones. So those people that have osteoporosis and those kinds of diseases are actually, um, more prone. They're, they're actually the ones that are drinking milk. So the ones that are not drinking milk have stronger bones.

Malvin Young (01:27:10):

Yeah. And you're better off getting it from your broccoli, for example.

Bev Lewis (01:27:13):

That's exactly right. That's exactly right. New podcast on this Melbourne.

Malvin Young (01:27:18):

Yeah. I was going to say, man, folks listening here today, this is what happens when Bev and I talk, it just goes on and on. I hope you're getting a lot of value out of this. I certainly am by talking to, uh, Bev here and, you know, um, that whole concept around food is like an ever evolving thing. You know, I think, I think we're becoming more conscious of it, but I still see that primary, um, food intake really pushing that secondary intake. So the commercials, like, I mean, they just look so delicious when I'm hungry and I see a juicy burger on a TV, like I'm not gonna lie. I want one, like now

Bev Lewis (01:28:01):

Here's another twist on that because primary food, um, that being physical health. So if you're out and you're exercising, you go to the gym, you do yoga. Um, you know, you, you run, you know, you're keeping yourself physically healthy. Then when it comes to the secondary food, which is the food that you put in your mouth, you're going to be more, uh, aware of what you're eating, because you've just spent two hours at the gym or you've spent an hour going on a run, um, or you've done an hour of yoga when you come home, you're done. You're not going to eat a big, big Mac. Right. You're going to be more aware of, of your body and say, well, I just worked out for all that time. Why would I come home? And, and, and, you know, totally ruin that whole process of, of what I'm doing to try be healthy.

Malvin Young (01:29:02):

Absolutely. It looks so good.

Bev Lewis (01:29:08):

Not worth watching 60 days a year of TV.

Malvin Young (01:29:13):

No, I agree with you on that. And, um, it is, I think, you know, a raising our consciousness and getting more educated around this subject, like relationships that we're just talking about. Um, you know, bye-bye, I really wanted to, uh, ask you about our time that we have worked together. Um, we, um, you know, we had a coaching relationship for quite some time or also become good friends. Uh, I've also worked with coaching, your husband. Um, and, um, I would love to hear, you know, this whole podcast series, uh, has been based around the model that I was coaching you through, which is BBU have understanding that, you know, it really comes from who we're being, then the actions that we're taking, which equals our results. That's kind of the formula that we've been basing, all of this, uh, coaching around. I would love to hear what are some of the big takeaways, uh, from those coaching sessions. And, uh, what difference has it made for you in your life?

Bev Lewis (01:30:19):

Oh, goodness, Mellon. Um, it's it, I mean, to some extent, I think we're still, we're S we're still coaching each other, like, like you said, at the beginning of the podcast, you know, we jump on a call together and it just goes on forever, but, um, the, the whole concept around be, do have, I really, I really believe that I live my life around that concept. Um, as a, as a business woman, as a mom, as a step mom, as a, as a wife, as a grandma, um, people, people are watching me and not just that I want to have a reaction from people, but I think it's really important for them to see that being who I'm being is causing me. It's kind of that cause and effect it's causing me to have what I have in my life right now. So being authentic, being a great leader, being, uh, having a, a positive mindset, being positive, being integral, um, you know, it's, it's really the, the effect of that is having an amazing life. Um, I have amazing team. I have an amazing business. I have an amazing husband. Um, you know, I've, I've pivoted my life because of COVID. And so I'm, you know, I live right across the street from the Lake. Um, and, and keep, I keep going back to that.

Bev Lewis (01:32:31):

Um, I just lost it again too. I keep going back to that, um, life isn't happening to me, it's happening for me. And I really try to live my life with that, with that knowledge, with that energy and enthusiasm that change happens. And you just have to, you have to go with it. There's nothing that you can do about it. So you have to, you have to pivot and you have to, you just have to be the person that you want to see in others. You know, one of my favorite, um, one of my favorite sayings is, uh, be the change that you want to see in the world. Because if you want to see a change, you're going to be the one that has to, to put it out there to your community, to your family, to, to your work. You have to be the example.

Malvin Young (01:33:47):

Yeah, Bev, you were, you were, you are really a good example of the work in the sense that, um, I can really tell that as we went through the coaching sessions, you became more and more conscious about who you're being in the face of the situations like situations are going to happen to us all. Aren't they? I mean, for the rest of our lives, you know, COVID is one thing, there'll be another thing down the road. I mean, I hope not as, as crazy as COVID has been for people, I know this has been exhausting, but really even with COVID, it's like, look at who you're being through the process and Bev. I mean, you, you, you pivot your business, your life. You're looking at it as a great opportunity. And most of us are watching, you know, for watching TV or not focused on who we're being, we're focused on who everyone else is being in, which is chaos and issues.

Malvin Young (01:34:46):

And there's a lot of lying going on in the media. There's a lot of stuff going on out there and you're right. You can't change that. What you can change is who are you being in the face of it all. And that will, that will determine your outcomes, you know? And you've been a really, really great example of that. And that's why I really wanted you on the show here today with us. I think, uh, a first of all, I cannot wait for listeners to hear this. This has been a great conversation. I learned so much again from having this conversation with you have, uh, where can people find you online?

Bev Lewis (01:35:25):

Yeah. So you can go to my website@wwwdotpositivesolutions.ca and all of my socials are linked that website.

Malvin Young (01:35:37):

Awesome. Bev, thank you so much. Uh, and I'll leave your information in our show notes here. So people can know where to find you. Uh, really thank you for all your time. I know that you and I scheduled an hour we're way past an hour today, and this is what always happens. I expect that

Bev Lewis (01:35:56):

It happens every time.

Malvin Young (01:35:59):

So I really want to thank you. I think our listeners are going to get tremendous value out of today's call. I appreciate your insights. I appreciate you. I appreciate all the work that you do for people. And I love the fact that you're constantly, uh, taking care of yourself so that you could be a better servant for the rest of the world. Thank you once again, really do appreciate spending this time with you here.

Bev Lewis (01:36:22):

Absolutely. Malvin, it's been a real pleasure. Thank you for having me on.