Oct. 11, 2020

Episode #7 - How To Be Present And Truly Grateful Over Thanksgiving

Episode #7 - How To Be Present And Truly Grateful Over Thanksgiving

In a year that we have so much to be upset or stressed about we can be more grateful than ever.  In this episode, you will learn 3 simple tools to set your thanksgiving weekend up for and loving experience and be more present and grateful than you have ever been.  


Transcript

(00:00):

Welcome to be, do have a simple formula to Uncomplicate your life. My name is Malvin Young. I'm a speaker entrepreneur and brand partnership manager with a well-known TV production company. This show is about a straightforward formula that I've used to coach hundreds of people over the last 15 years to overcome many challenges. Personally, I don't like to coach on any area of life that I haven't improved on myself. So lucky for you. I've had to overcome big challenges in the areas of relationship, finances, health, anxiety, and depression. Then after a crazy car accident, I had to do it all over again. I'm really excited about this show today, because what I'm about to share with you is made a huge impact on my life. And more importantly, I've seen many others who have practices methods, breakthrough barriers that have been holding them back their entire lives. Also, please subscribe to get the most value out of this podcast as each episode, will build on each other.

(00:59):

Welcome to episode number seven, where I'll teach you how to be present and truly grateful during the Thanksgiving weekend. So I wanted to start off this episode by talking about, um, these events that we typically get together, uh, every year. So we've got Christmas, other traditional events, Thanksgiving. I mean, these are some of the big ones that we deal with. And, um, depending on your culture and background, there's, uh, other, uh, cultural events that you may have. And it's funny over time, these events are designed really, uh, and originally to get together and enjoy, you know, your family and in Thanksgiving, especially, you know, to be thankful for, uh, everything around us, everything in our lives. And, uh, we get on with that day, typically as, as if it's a stressful day, like more work, more things to do, we have to prepare dinner, uh, or we're going to someone's house.

(01:59):

And in this year, maybe we have restrictions. Maybe we can't get together with our loved ones, but there seems to always be like an extra level of stress that might be unnecessary when Thanksgiving, especially, and even Christmas or other traditional events, they're really designed for us to let go relax, enjoy, uh, be more present, let go of work, um, and reconnect with our families. I mean, we all work so hard and, uh, you know, through the year with our jobs, with our family, with our children, maybe they're in, um, uh, different events that you gotta run them around too. But life is been quite busy for most people, myself really included in that. And I think it's really important that, uh, when we're looking at these holiday events, uh, we have Thanksgiving upon us here in Canada and soon our friends in the U S will be having their Thanksgiving.

(02:58):

And I thought it's no better time to really start sharing, uh, some tools on how we can be present and let go of a lot of the anxiety and stress, uh, during this, uh, beautiful Thanksgiving day and really just enjoy it fully, like fully embrace it. And, uh, so when I was planning this episode here, I thought, perfect timing. We have Thanksgiving. And I had to ask myself like, how much am I really being grateful here? Like on a daily basis, uh, leading up to Thanksgiving and I'm glad Thanksgiving is here because it's a really good reminder that I personally have to get back to being really grateful in the moment every day, uh, for what my life is and who I have in my life and for the things that I've accomplished and the things that I've learned. And I haven't been doing that so much.

(03:54):

And I thought a great way to kick this off for myself is to, uh, do this episode and really get back into practicing that. But what I really want to talk about here today is how can we go into this Thanksgiving weekend, this Thanksgiving day, and really, truly enjoy it and really be grateful and really take that practice into the day. So this Thanksgiving, it might be a lot tougher for people. People have gone through a lot. Um, it's been a very difficult time for people this year. And, um, you know, some people will not be getting together for Thanksgiving with their family because of maybe there's lockdown or restriction going on in their region. Uh, the other thing is if you are getting together, it's just going to be different because the conversations are going to be different. They may get into like political conversations.

(04:53):

I mean, we have, uh, elections upon us, uh, coming up. Uh, we still have COVID we're in the midst of the COVID stuff right now. We have an uncertain future. We have school challenges and work challenges for people right now. So, uh, it could be a lot more challenging and the conversations, uh, could really contribute to that challenge and, and maybe take away from our Thanksgiving a little bit. So what I'm hoping to do in this episode here is really teach you again, how to get present. How do you get present? How do you get truly, uh, present and in a place where you don't have all that extra baggage going on in life? Like all the other stresses, uh, all the other stuff that we have to deal with, how can we let go get into our Thanksgiving if that's going to be with our immediate family or extended family and friends, um, how do we get present with them so that we could truly enjoy them?

(05:51):

Have no grudges, no, uh, uh, pre call it, uh, perceptions of the people that we're getting with and let go of all of that and truly enjoy the day. I hope you really take in this episode here today and try on what I'm about to give you, because I guarantee you, it will make a big, big difference for you. So, first of all, my plan personally, going into Thanksgiving is to really set my intention in the morning, uh, about how grateful I am. I know we all generally wait till we get around the dinner table. And sometimes we share with friends and family, uh, what we're grateful for. I know this year, uh, my daughters did a really cool thing. They made a jar it's called a grateful jar and everyone around the kitchen area, uh, whenever they're, you know, thinking of something that they're grateful for, they'll write their name on a piece of paper and write down what it is that they're grateful for.

(06:54):

And we'll share those around the table and make it a little bit more fun. But even before that, I would highly recommend and what I'm going to do. Um, and I recommend this for you as well is to set your intention in the morning. And I know that kinda sounds cliche like w like set your intention. What does that really mean? And generally when we wake up in the morning, most people gravitate to our phone, check the news, check what's going on, or check whatever notifications that come up for you that you routinely routinely check. But instead of that, why not have notifications off it is Thanksgiving. And, um, instead of, instead of going to our phone, why don't we just take some time out of the bed, get out of the bed and sit in a chair somewhere, quiet and take about five minutes to just set your mind for the day.

(07:49):

So how am I going to be in the day, in the face of, you know, family coming over or in the face of no family coming over, maybe you're doing it virtually, but how am I going to be in the day rather than looking at, uh, Oh my God, like, you know, uncle George is coming over. I don't have an uncle George. I'm just using that as an example, but, uh, uncle George is coming over and, um, he gets a little, uh, crazy when he's drinking or whatever. And I can't put up with them well, letting go of that. And maybe changing that to, how am I going to be in the face of George coming over and doing his thing, which is having a few drinks and getting silly, maybe shifting into an observer. So you can actually observe George doing his thing and his jokes, and maybe he's annoying, whatever, and observe them and look for the funny, in it all and get a good laugh out of the experience, not laughing at him as a person, but laughing at his and how he's being, and maybe that's what he wants to do, or maybe he does want to annoy people.

(09:01):

Maybe he does want to, uh, uh, you know, get people going for example, but how are you going to be in the face of that is more important. So how I'm setting my day up is I'm thinking. So for, for my Thanksgiving, I have a really good friend of mine here, uh, with his wife and then, uh, my children, my father-in-law and, uh, my wife and I cook a very big dinner. So, um, you know, we do a traditional Newfoundland Newfie, jigs dinner, and, uh, that's about anywhere from six to eight hours of cooking, if we're smoking a Turkey, uh, and it's a long day, so I have the task of cooking the food, but while I'm cooking the food, I generally have to worry about my children and are they entertained my, uh, do they have things to do? My friends are going to be here.

(09:55):

Am I going to be in conversation with them? Uh, how am I going to get all of this done? So for me, I'm looking at my whole Thanksgiving day and thinking about who am I going to be in at all? And number one is I'm going to be somebody who's in communication. So I'm going to literally say to people, uh, when I'm doing the cooking guys, I just want you to know upfront I have some cooking to do today. So, uh, there's going to be times where I'm just solely focused on getting things, prepped and ready and, uh, in the boiler and in the smoker and all that stuff. So I won't be able to talk, but I will have times in between that, where I'll be totally present and focused, and I will communicate that to them so they can know what to expect from me through the day, rather than me putting all these expectations on myself, that I have to be everything and do everything to please everyone in order to have a great Thanksgiving.

(10:57):

And really what I needed to do is be somebody who's in communication, communicate to them my exact plan for the day. So that way they know when I'm going to be present through the day and what I'm going to be focused on cooking, and that's going to be all right with them because I've already pre communicated it to them. So that's one thing that you can do is go in kind of presetting, how you are going to be set your intention in the morning, kind of visualize how you would like your day to be maybe for some of you it's to set your day to fully let go and enjoy the moment through the day. Like I'm going to just be present, be in good conversation. I'm going to be a good listener. I'm going to be a good observer. And I'm going to be a value to my friends and family over the Thanksgiving dinner, uh, and Thanksgiving day.

(11:55):

And, uh, give them an opportunity to talk. And I will be a listener today, whatever that is for you, whatever is going to make you feel really good for the holiday. If you can accomplish that way of beings throughout the day, I promise you you're going to get a different result. I typically go into Thanksgiving thinking about all the work I have to do within it. I also go into Christmas thinking about that. I buy the right gifts for people, and it's just all this added stress that we don't need. How about if we just went into the day and actually enjoyed the day where we're not focused on the past, we're not focused on the future and we're not worried about what's going to happen that day. We're actually just enjoying each moment as it unfolds through the day. So step number one, highly recommend just, uh, taking five minutes in the morning, get out of bed, put your feet on the ground.

(12:49):

Go sit down on the chair and plan your day in your head about who your going to be in the midst of everything going on today. And regardless of what's going on, you're going to stick to that way of being, if that way of being as calm. Great. If that way of being as a listener, being somebody who's, um, respectful, caring, present, whatever that is, just set that for you. You know what that means for you and you go on living your day. That way, don't worry about everything else that's going on. Just be the way you want to be at the end of the day, any day that you get through, think about it at the end of the day, you're really just questioning. Did I do the right things? Did I say the right things? You know, as we get through the end of the day, we're not looking at like the day and say, Oh my God, like that happened, this happened, things are going to happen, but how were we in the face of all of those things?

(13:52):

So setting up your morning, uh, for Thanksgiving is something you could do every morning. Um, and you can carry that into your workdays, into other events you may have to do. But right now, we're just going to focus on this Thanksgiving, coming up and really get present to who do I want to be in the face of this special day, where I'm getting together with family and enjoying some food. Um, the other part of that is once you've got your day set, take some time for yourself before the dinner table sitting down and talking about what you're grateful for. Take some time and additional five, 10 minutes just for you in the morning. And I know you might be rushed in the morning. So if you've got to do this in the bathroom, if you've got to do this, uh, just step aside and give yourself 10 minutes to be able to do this, maybe it's in the shower, but really taking time to be present, really present of how grateful you actually are for your life.

(15:00):

And as well as this year, I'd like you to include things that you're grateful for in 2020. That might be a really hard thing to do. However, there's lots. You just have to look at it. I'm sitting here right now, thinking about how grateful I am for 2024. Um, the very fact that I've probably learned more about myself and patients during 2020 than I have in any other era, any other time of my life period, especially around patients. I'm so grateful that this year, like, I feel like the world has slowed down a little bit for me. I know it can get chaotic during the week with work and everything, but I could tell you that my patience has really growing. Like I've seen a lot of craziness over this last year. Things that I would normally react to and get upset with. And I'm actually taking time to really observe those things as events and things that are happening as opposed to things that are happening to me.

(16:14):

I kind of have been able to separate that. And therefore my patience level has really grown a lot. I mean, there's obviously more room to grow, but I'm really thankful for 2020 for that specific reason. I'm also very thankful for 2020, that more and more people are getting outdoors and enjoying the outdoors and getting reconnected to nature. I can't believe like I look on my Facebook page and there's people on there that I never expected to be out hiking or going kayaking and fishing. And like people in the inner city, that's just, don't go out and do that stuff. I'm seeing them do that. Then it's bringing me so much joy because I'm like, wow, like these are the things that I love to do. And I know humans instinctively love to be in the outdoors. It's very healing. Um, and there's, there's so much value in just getting outdoors and getting out of the house and getting away from technology and I'm seeing more and more people do that.

(17:11):

And I'm really, really grateful for that. I'm also grateful for the chaos that's going on in the world right now. Imagine like, how can we be grateful for that? Well, the reality is I'm grateful for the chaos because I know back in my day, when I used to do culture coaching for companies, and we used to look at growth trends, we would always see that after chaos, there was always a spike of success and then there'll be a new level of chaos and then there'll be another spike of success. And what I'm hoping for, with humanity here is through this chaos, we learn a lot about ourselves and we'll learn about, um, um, how disconnected we've become from being human beings to becoming these, um, you know, people who are stressed out in fear and worry and, uh, you know, have to make our money and accumulate things so that we can be secure in the future.

(18:16):

We have moved so far away from what it means to be a human being into this very stressful life. And my hope, uh, and what I'm grateful for is that I feel there's a sense that we're breaking through the chaos in the world. And I'm really grateful for the chaos because without chaos, we wouldn't have the opportunity to reflect. We wouldn't have an opportunity to reassess and we wouldn't have an opportunity to make the necessary changes that we need to move forward as human beings and have a better future. So there's a lot to be grateful grateful for in 2020, those are some things that I'm grateful for. And on top of that, there's the obvious stuff. And I think most of us have the obvious stuff like we're grateful for, uh, our, our, our, uh, significant partners, um, our children, immediate family, our friends, our experiences, uh, if we have a roof over our head, we should be very grateful for that.

(19:18):

If we have food on our table, we should be grateful for that. If we're breathing air today, we should be grateful for that. There's so many things, uh, in so many obvious things that we should be grateful for. And what I'm recommending is taking that extra five to 10 minutes, uh, for your Thanksgiving, for yourself, not so much at the dinner table when you're sharing what you're grateful for, you know, just to, to speak on that for a moment. I noticed when we're around a dinner table and I see it on movies and things too, when people are saying the things are being grateful for, they're actually saying a lot of times, things that they're grateful for that will make them look good in front of the people that they're with right now. And that's not truly being grateful. And that's why I'm saying separate this and have 10 minutes, five minutes, whatever it is for yourself, taking time to be really grateful in the moment for those things that you're grateful for.

(20:18):

Like actually try to get to the point where you're closing your eyes, saying I'm grateful for this. And you're trying to connect that feeling of how grateful and happy you are for that, whatever that is for you. So that would be step two, step three would be, how do we maintain being present through the day? Well, I'm going to give you a little tool right now. I'm going to walk you through this tool. Once you do this times, three times, you'll be able to do it within seconds in your head, on your own by yourself, or even with a crowd, even when you're talking to people. And that is eliminating the past and the future thoughts and getting present right now, like right here, like in the specific moment, I'm going to show you how to do that right now, or actually this is a podcast.

(21:11):

I'm going to tell you how we can do that right now. So how I do that was through a little tool that was taught to me. And it sounds kind of silly, but in practice through practice doing this tool over and over, you can do this anytime. And the more you do it, the more present you will be. The more you'll be able to experience the now. And what got me really doing this tool was when the person who had mentioned it said that there is no negative emotion in this world. There is no negative emotion in this world. And he said this over and over. And he said, if you are truly present, truly present in the moment, you can only experience love and joy and bliss. I thought that's interesting. And if you look at any monk, there's lots of studies that are done on monks, and they generally not generally scientifically proven to be the happy, happiest population on the planet.

(22:24):

And that's because they can spend more time in the moments through their practices. Uh, so through their meditation, through other practices that they do, they're able to experience the moment more when you're experiencing the moment you experienced joy, because think about it. There is when you're truly present, what's what's available in that moment. There's really nothing going on, where people are talking about you, Turkey dinners going, you know, we, we got lots going on outside of us, but in the moment for you, what's really going on in that moment and really is a place of nothingness and nothingness is where happiness can actually exist. I know that sounds crazy. But when you actually get to that space, you will feel blessed. You will feel happiness, you'll feel love. So how that interest me. And that's why I really wanted to try this tool on. So I'm going to get you to try this tool on here and see if we can have you experienced moments where you're truly present.

(23:30):

And the more moments you have through your holiday, you will notice that your overall day is just way better. So step number one, going to close your eyes. When you got your eyes closed here, I want you to think about the past and I want the past. So if you're got your eyes closed and you're thinking about the past, generally that's associated on the left side, like we see our past somewhere in the left. If you were to point to your past, you may be pointing to the right or behind you. But for me, if I got my eyes closed and I were to say, point to my past, it would be to my left. I associate my future in my mind to the right. So we generally are linear beings. We go from left to right or front to back. Um, but if we have our eyes closed and you think about your past and you were to represent your past with buildings, tall skyscraper buildings.

(24:33):

Okay. So for me, what that looks like is I see on the left, like a whole pile of buildings, just think like New York city, Toronto, any big cities, and think about all those buildings representing your past. Then if you were to take your future, I want you to have that be represented as buildings. And for me, that looks like, um, a bunch of buildings on the right. So it's just an image in your mind and I'm walking you through this slowly, but afterward you'll realize you'll be able to very quick. So my eyes are closed right now. I see the left, which is my past and the future being the right side, which is both sides are just a bunch of buildings. And in between that there's me. Okay. So I know this sounds weird, but if you can get to that place for, you might be a bunch of buildings in the front, a bunch of buildings in the back, the back being the past, the front of you being the future.

(25:38):

But I just want you to imagine this in your mind, whole bunch of skyscrapers for me is on the left. Whole bunch of skyscrapers are on the right. And the left is my past. My right is my future. So if you're there now, okay? And you're at that space, you have to ask yourself, this is the past real. And scientifically, I could tell you it is not real. Why is it not real? Because real is measured by taste, touch, smell, measurement. Like you could feel it, touch it, smell it, measure it. Can you taste, touch, feel, and measure your past? No. Therefore by definition it is not real. It doesn't exist. So I want you to collapse those buildings in your mind. It does not exist. So collapsed. I'm like, you're thinking about those buildings are gone. Okay. Now, if you go to the right side, your future is your future real well. Let's do the definition version of this, a scientific version. Can you taste, touch, smell, or measure your future? No. Therefore your future is not real. Go ahead and collapse the future. Now, what do you have? If there is no pass, it's not real. There is no future. It's not real. What do you have you have right now?

(27:17):

And that's all you have. And right now in this next moment, again, that's all you have. There is no past, there is no future. There is only now. So if there's only now, and you can be anyone you want right now, be happy, be loving, be present, enjoy. And so that tool is a tool that can be used throughout the day and use very, very easily. So all you have to do through the day is once you got that exercise done, once I like to close my eyes and do it, I literally can do it this quick. Now I close my eyes. I see the buildings on the left. I see the buildings on the right. I go, there is no pass. It doesn't exist. Collapse. There is no future doesn't exist. Collapsed. All I have is right now, I take a deep breath and here I am.

(28:15):

I'm in the moment of right here. And what's great about that is that if you do that through the day, you'll notice that you'll be getting more present and be more present. We'll have you be a better listener. You'll be a more engaged in your conversations. You won't be thinking about your future worries and what you have to do when you get back to work. And you're not thinking about your past and how bad the last Thanksgiving was because God had a hand. Um, so by doing this tool over and over, the goal is to have more of a now experience through and now experience. You're going to have a much, you're going to experience love. You're going to experience joy and you can experience bliss. The more you stay in the moment, what I do is when I am out of the moment, that means like I'm running, I'm in chaos.

(29:12):

Again, my head is going, I'm thinking about all kinds of problems again. And what do I have to do? Take two seconds collapse. The past clapped, a future. Get here right now. So guys, this is a one tip. That's been very powerful for me. However, if not, practice, there is no value in it. It's one of those tools that you need to practice over and over. And the more you're practicing it, the more better experience you're going to have, the more present that you're going to be. And so, uh, what I recommend is try this on for Thanksgiving, wake up in the morning, do step number one, which is setting your mind for who your going to be for the day, whatever that looks like for you. Step number two is take five to 10 minutes to be truly present for what you're grateful for in your life to the point.

(30:08):

Like I want you to think about, uh, you know, how grateful you are to the point where it brings a motion to you. So if that's me saying I'm really grateful for my children, I want to really be present to how grateful I am for them and how that moves me. Uh, so you really want to connect to the emotion on that. The next, uh, step after that is to practice the tool I just gave you, which is collapsed. The past collapsed a future. There is no such thing as a past and future. There is only right now, if you do that multiple times through the day. I know when I use the tool, uh, personally, like literally it could last for a half hour to an hour or two hours, and then I find myself resetting again. But when I'm resetting, it's so quick, now it's literally like collapse past collapse, a future I'm right here right now.

(31:04):

And I just get re present. It's just a tool to remind myself that right now is what matters in this moment. Thank you so much for listening to this podcast. There's one additional thing I want to say I'm grateful for. And that is my listeners. I am totally blessed. I feel I'm really moved by doing this podcast. I, my intention with starting this podcast was really just to sharpen some of my own tools, get re present to them and bring that conversation more alive back in my own life, to really up my own game. Uh, however, uh, sharing the podcast with a few people, the word gets out, it starts getting shared and I've been getting so many comments and feedback and reviews, really positive reviews. And I just feel so grateful that that's happening. And I'm just so happy

(31:56):

That this is making a difference in people's lives. So I'm really grateful for that. If you had not had the opportunity to leave a review, please do. So it really helps, uh, other listeners get in touch with this podcast and get connected with it. So it really makes a big difference by doing that. Uh, the other thing is, if you can, um, share this podcast with anyone who you think may want to hear this message greatly appreciate that, and please subscribe so that you can continue to get messages sent to you from this podcast. Thank you so much, have an awesome Thanksgiving, uh, with your family, friends, or even if you're just doing it with close immediate family. And even if you're on your own, just think about all the things that you can be grateful for. There is so much, but we do need to take the time to sit down and think about that. Uh, cause there's just so much there. So have an awesome Thanksgiving be present and I hope you have the best Thanksgiving you've ever had.