Jan. 1, 2021

Episode #17 - New Year Resolutions and why so many don't achieve them

Episode #17 - New Year Resolutions and why so many don't achieve them

Have you ever set up a new year's resolutions and a short while later found yourself in a pile of excuses and ultimately forgetting about the goals you originally set?  If so, I'm sure you would like to know what is happening internally and what truly stops you from achieving your resolutions.  Once you understand what's stopping you, you can become unstoppable.  

Transcript

(00:00):

Welcome to be xdo = have a simple formula to Uncomplicate your life. My name is Malvin Young. I'm a speaker entrepreneur and brand partnership manager with a well-known TV production company. This show is about a straightforward formula that I've used to coach hundreds of people over the last 15 years to overcome many challenges. Personally, I don't like to coach on any area of life that I haven't improved on myself. So lucky for you. I've had to overcome big challenges in the areas of relationship, finances, health, anxiety, and depression. Then after a crazy car accident, I had to do it all over again. I'm really excited about this show today, because what I'm about to share with you is made a huge impact on my life. And more importantly, I've seen many others who have practices methods, breakthrough barriers that have been holding them back their entire lives. Also, please subscribe to get the most value out of this podcast as each episode, we'll build on each other.

(00:59):

Hello, and welcome to episode number 17, where we're going to talk about new year's resolutions and why so many people fail at achieving those new resolutions. So this morning it is new year's day for me here today. It's one 24 in the afternoon, and I decided I'm going to record this podcast. And so I went online and I did a Google search of 2021 new year's resolutions. And I clicked on the very first link that I saw, which was www.goodhousekeeping.com. And they had a list of 20, or sorry, 55 plus achievable new year's resolutions for a healthier and happy living. So I start clicking through and, and just to read some, I'll read the top 10 here to yeah. Anyway first one is to build a better budget. Next one was to cook one new thing each week. Next is to read more books, join a club, create a cleaning schedule that you'll stick to drink less alcohol, quit smoking, eat veggies regularly, share your resolutions on social media for accountability, try a new diet plan, a book, all your doctor's visits for the entire year.

(02:32):

Take the stairs rather than the elevator or escalator cut calories in a fraction of the time. So it was just, it just keeps going on and on and on. And this list is it does a lot of great goals in there, but what I want to share with you and not to burst your bubble or, or, or, or, you know, we're all excited around new years, we want to, you know, achieve these new things. Our mind is fresh. We have a whole new year set up where we can really do what we want with it. But when I say, I don't want to burst your bubble here, I don't want to burst your excitement because that's a very important part of achieving goals. But what I do want to do is give you some warnings here and some insight on how you can go about it differently this year.

(03:22):

So first warning that I want to give you is I want you to truly understand that it's not the goal that you achieve. That's going to make you successful. It's the transformation in you. That's going to ultimately make you successful in achieving that goal and having it be sustainable in your life. See, when we set up a goal, we get excited. And especially if it's a attainable goal that we really believe we can do, and it's going to make a dent in our future plans, like really help us achieve the bigger things that we want. Long-Term. And or if it's something that we're just truly, really excited about, and we feel that it's time to start on this goal what's happening is when we set ourselves up way, we forget to understand, or we don't understand that underneath of all the planning and all the doing that we are doing in order to achieve this underneath of all of that is our innate being, how we actually are and how our brain operates when it comes towards achieving goals or keeping safe.

(04:50):

See our brains are not designed really to like continuously step out of our comfort zone. It's actually designed to keep you in your comfort zone because the brain is constantly assessing what is risky and what is safe. And it tends to want to keep you in the safe zone. That's his job to try and protect you. That's the part of the brain. That's just trying to protect you and keep you, you safe. However, you know, so we need to get out of our comfort zone. And when we do our brain trusts me is very powerful. It's going to pull you right back. It's going to come up with everything, every excuse and reason. And, and you're even going to see things happen where you, where you say, I can't do it. See, it's not the right time. So yeah, it's not me that can achieve this only other people.

(05:45):

You'll, you'll see confirmation of why you cannot achieve it. And that's crazy, but that's the part of the brain that's trying to keep us safe. Doesn't want us to get out of our comfort zone. So really this year, when you're going about setting up your new year's resolution, please keep in mind that you are going to face resistance. You are going to resist it yourself. Your brain is going to resist the actions, the steps that you need to take. And it's going to come up with excuses and reasons to keep you safe. So how we overcome that is to recognize a that that's going to happen. B we need to, when we recognize when that happens, the next step is to really become an observer of those excuses and reasons and situations. Don't be a participant of them. What I mean is don't take on the stress and the emotions that come along with them.

(06:49):

Like the, see, I knew I couldn't do it. The other emotions are like, Oh, I'm so stressed out, man. Maybe I got to try this at another time. We can't participate in that. If we expect to achieve our goals. And if we expect to transform and have these new goals, be a sustainable thing in our lives, we have to be able to look at us from a observer perspective and not get caught up in the feelings, the emotions, the thought processes that come along with it, we just really need to observe it. And when we observe it, we actually free ourselves from the backlash that we get from these thoughts. So like when they're pulling us down into safety, you know, and trying to say, Hey, you can't achieve that. See, it's not the right time when we get those experiences going on, we need to just get that.

(07:46):

That's my brain operating is trying to keep me safe, but I'm not interested. I know I'm safe to continue on and I'm going to continue trying to achieve my goals. So let me give you an example of that, because that could be confusing in itself. So a good example of that is I remember when I wanted to start working on my health and I had done what everyone else does. You know, they go to the gym, they sign up or they buy some new equipment for their house and they then set a schedule. And then they try to follow that schedule. And within a short period of time, generally not everyone, but generally we revert back to old habits. And that's what I'm talking about in between there, somewhere, our excuses come up, our reasons, our belief system kicks in and says, we can't do this.

(08:45):

So this time going forward, if we become an observer of those thought processes and those emotions and those things that are trying to slow us down, then we can look at them and say, I get it. You're trying to protect me. I get it. You know, and I'm talking to my brain at this point, I get it brain. You're trying to protect me. You're trying to do your job and thank you very much, but I'm going to keep doing the workout because I know this is better for us overall. It's better for you brain and better for me. And that sounds like a funny conversation, but you have to have that conversation. Otherwise, you're just going to keep believing your brain as if it's true, you know? And where are all those thoughts coming from? Well, just everything that we've been trained and our entire history, are they true?

(09:33):

Absolutely not. They're just a predominant thoughts and patterns that have kept us safe up until thus far. So therefore like if we're not dead, our brain says, well, keep doing what you're doing, what you've been doing for so long because it's working, we're alive now. We're safe. Okay. But as soon as we introduce risk, our brain says, Ooh, don't know about that. Better not do that because it's very important that we keep safe. So that's all that's happening. If you become an observer of it, rather than get caught up in it, you're more likely able to just continue on because it's not gonna affect you in the same way. You know, that time of transformation that it takes for someone to achieve changing themselves and changing their habits, that's going to differ for everyone. But I believe if you're setting up a new year's resolution to make sure that you're focused on understanding that real change has to happen and it has to happen within you.

(10:39):

And there's going to be an internal struggle and you need to really observe it rather than getting involved in it. Don't get involved in that internal struggle because trust me, your brain will outsmart you every single time. It's smart and it's designed to win. Okay? So don't try to battle it. That would be the very first thing is to understand and grasp that you're going to go through change. Second part of this is to understand that you got to start listening to your calendar, your schedule, and you got to stop listening to yourself. How many of you listening to this episode today have set up something in your calendar. Like I'm going to work out, we'll use the same example. I'm going to work out three times a week. So you put three different spots in your calendar at the beginning of the week, you look at it and say, well, yeah, I could definitely do that.

(11:36):

But as life occurs, we let the excuses get in and then we don't achieve it. We ended up saying, Oh, well, I'm going to have to move that one around. Or, Oh my God, I didn't realize it was going to get this busy today or, wow. I didn't expect this to happen. And we ended up moving it around again. That's part of the brain's way of making you safe, keeping you safe. So very important. Don't listen to yourself, listen to your calendar. If you put gym time in your calendar, when it comes to gym time, you go do your gym. You go do your workout. Last way to achieve. This is not only to put in your calendar is to communicate to your loved ones around you, that it's in your calendar and that you are going to do it regardless of what's going on.

(12:28):

Like you need that time for you yourself. So you tell your family, honey kids, I set up three times a week in the calendar to go do my workout. I just want you to know it's very important to me that I get that done. So if you guys can, you know, take care of some things or whatever has to happen, like if it's Wednesdays, the kids are out dancing, honey, if you could take the kids dance on Wednesday, I'll take them on Thursday and Friday, whatever it is, you need to organize that and communicate it to the family so that you're getting the support that you need in order to make sure that you show up and do your gym. When you say you're going to do it. The biggest part about that guys is that as you're achieving the goal, you want to build your confidence.

(13:16):

The best way to build your confidence is to actually do what you say you're going to do. So if you put three workouts in your calendar and you do them, guess what's going to happen to your confidence at the end of the week, it's going to be up. So when your next week and you set it up, you're going to be more excited. Why? Because you believe yourself now, Hey, I put three workouts in my calendar and I did them all. And I feel great little sorts the first week, but Hey, I'm going to keep going at this. And the more consistently you do that, the more you results that you're going to get, and you will actually achieve your goal. You know, goal setting is a very funny thing. And at the end of the day, we'll, we're all truly looking for us to be happy.

(13:59):

And we have a belief that, you know, each of us have different things that make us happy or ideal things that we want that will make us happy. If that's health, if it's wealth, if it's and that could be financial wealth, it could be abundance of love all these different things, you know, we believe make us happy, but at the end of the day, it's really comes down to how much do you believe in yourself? And that's probably the biggest transformation that we can make when we're trying to achieve our goals is doing what we said that we're going to do. So if you're going to set up a new year's resolution this year really got it for the longterm and the transformation that's available within that goal, not just the outcome of the goal itself, because my promise to you is, if you say, I want to quit smoking this year, that in itself does not bring happiness to you.

(15:06):

Okay? That in itself might bring additional health to you, which is great, but it's not going to give you happiness. If it is to save, you know, $5,000 a year, that in itself doesn't make you happy, but the transformation gives you the skills. What you've gone through in these new skills that you learned is to turn 5,000 into 10,000 to 20,000, and you can continue to grow the same thing with quitting smoking. That's one element of improving your health. If you could do that, then maybe the next year is to tone your body, continuing to do that. Just continues to build more and more confidence. And that's where the transformation is. And that's what we want to focus on is that transformation because it becomes sustainable long-term and it actually makes it a heck of a lot more achievable. But for those folks that say they want to have more happiness.

(16:06):

Cause I seen that on a lot of lists today, as well, too, as a surfing through the net that you know, happiness or more peace of mind is what they want this year. A couple of little steps for that would be again, it's more understanding educating ourselves and the best analogy I can give that will help you understand the type of process you need to go through for happiness is completely different than just setting a goal and going out and achieving it and hoping that that result makes you happy. It's different. It's just a different mindset altogether. See, in order to have peace or happiness long-term and sustainable, we need to first learn. And I, and I heard this on stage at a personal development course that I was in years ago and it made so much sense. And the person said, if you truly want happiness, happiness is literally a choice.

(17:10):

And so as peace, it's a choice and it's a practice. It's a skill it's. And that's why, you know, if you look at some of the happiest people on the planet, I think monks have the highest level of happiness levels when they do these different surveys. And that has a lot to do with the amount of practice on the mindsets that they're doing on a daily basis. So first ask yourself how much time in a year do I actually spend practicing how to be happy, practicing how to be peaceful. And it's crazy, but I'm sure most of you said zero to maybe a few hours out of the year. Very little. So when this person on stage said this, they said, in order to have a happy life, you need to first learn how to have a happy moment. You need to understand what it takes in order for you to have a happy moment and that you are the cause of that happy moment, nothing else, because if you want long-term sustainable happiness, you can't expect external things to give that to you longterm.

(18:25):

It has to be something that's generated. So they said, once you learn how to have a happy moment, you can then learn how to have a happy minute and then tell you, learn how to have a happy minute. You cannot learn how to have a happy hour and then a happy day. And you know, only when you learn how to have a happy day, you can have a happy week. So these are very small practices and this, this continue to go on. You know, when you have a happy week, you can, then you now have the power to learn how to have a happy month and then a happy month turns into a happy year. And then a happy year turns into a happy life. It is a real practice. So I don't want you to get confused that your new year's resolutions are going to give you long term happiness and satisfaction, because they're not, they're going to give you some results and you'll be satisfied with them.

(19:24):

But it's the belief in yourself that you have learned that transformation that you've gone through that can give you that sustainability. So you can apply that same kind of thinking towards practicing how to have a happy moment and a happy day or a peaceful moments and a peaceful day. So what I really want to say here is that you got to come at this with a broader mindset. Then I just need to set my goals and go out and do, do, do do. There's a human element in there that is innate. It's built in our thinking processes, our beliefs, they don't change overnight. And we really have to learn how to go through these processes. Step-By-Step observe them, understand what our brain is trying to do to us and keep us safe to breaking through that, to getting comfortable at being out of your comfort zone, to achieve these new raw results, being consistent with your goals so that you start believing in yourself more it's that kind of transformation that can bring any type of result that you want long-term and sustainable. So I hope this helps everyone when they're thinking about new year's resolutions, yes. Get hyped up. Yes. Get excited. That's all fine, but be prepared to embrace the process that you have to go through in order to make this longterm and sustainable for yourself.

(20:58):

Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I hope you got something out of it and if you did, and you like it, please share it. Other than that have an amazing 20, 21. I wish you all the best of luck on your new year's resolutions. And remember, you know, use this podcast. If you are stuck in those situations where you find you're falling off track, you know, go back to episode number 17 and have a listen again, and that will help our mind understand that we're going through a process here and it'll get you back on track. So thanks so much again for listening. Have an awesome 2021.