Oct. 25, 2020

Episode #10 - Be Selfish - it's the right way to be

Episode #10 - Be Selfish - it's the right way to be

The general pattern of priorities in our society looks like work first, family second, and self-care/ growth third.   After listening to a speaker at an event this prioritization leads to burnout and never enough time for yourself.  How about we put ourselves first so we can be better for our family, friends, society, career, etc?

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Transcript

(00:00):

Welcome to be, do have a simple formula to Uncomplicate your life. My name is Malvin Young. I'm a speaker entrepreneur and brand partnership manager with a well-known TV production company. This show is about a straightforward formula that I've used to coach hundreds of people over the last 15 years to overcome many challenges. Personally, I don't like to coach on any area of life that I haven't improved on myself. So lucky for you. I've had to overcome big challenges in the areas of relationship, finances, health, anxiety, and depression. Then after a crazy car accident, I had to do it all over again. I'm really excited about this show today because what I'm about to share with you is made a huge impact on my life. And more importantly, I've seen many others who have practice methods, breakthrough barriers that have been holding them back their entire lives. Also, please subscribe to get the most value out of this podcast. As each episode, we'll build on each other.

(00:58):

Before we get into today's conversation, I want to share with you a company called Instacart. Instacart is an online shopping service. Uh, if you're in Canada and the US and what this app does is, you literally log on based on your postal code or your zip code. And they'll tell you all the shops locally that you can shop from. You literally choose what it is that you want. They do the shopping for you, and they deliver it to you. It's a great service. And right now, you can try it for free for two weeks. All you have to do is go to www dot Malvin, young.com forward slash Instacart, and full disclosure. Here, we do receive a small fee for each person that does sign up and tries the service out. So for each of you trying the service, it really helps our podcast here.

(01:52):

Thank you so much for doing that. So today, we're going to be talking about being selfish, and it's the right way to be. You're probably cringing when you hear that because the first time I heard it, I was cringing as well. I really thought that's just wrong. I was always taught that you know, you really have to work hard to take care of your family. Um, you gotta be a person that's always there for your friends, and you always got to put others first. It's just the way I was taught. It was a part of the culture that I grew up in, and therefore it morally felt right to me. So when I hear somebody saying, be selfish, I just think it's the grossest thing. However, I did get a whole new perspective. Uh, when I was 26 years old, I was at a seminar.

(02:41):

It was one of these personal development seminars. And I remember the guy on stage pretty much saying the exact same words to be selfish. It's the right thing to do. And it's the only way to really become successful. And really, it just made me think like, well, I don't really want to become successful if that's the path, because it kind of went against everything that I believed in at that time. So the way he broke this down, though, uh, was he had said that we're living this life backward, would typical pattern that most people are living, and I'm not saying all, but he was definitely speaking to me in this case. Cause I definitely was one of these people living life backward in the sense that I was, uh, putting all my focus at that time on work, I got to do really well at work.

(03:33):

I got to work hard. Why? Because I need to make money. Why do I need to make money so that I can take care of my children at the time? I had a young boy now I have two daughters and a boy. Uh, so, you know, at the time, all I could think about was I need to work so I can make money so that I can, uh, take care of my son. I just wanted to take care of my son. I want it to help in any way that I could. So it was very important to put work. First. I also noticed that I was working so hard and so many hours, I was feeling a little burnt out, hence why I was at a personal development program, trying to change something in my life. So he continued to say that, you know, we are living life backward.

(04:19):

And, uh, the, the pattern that we're living in is we're putting work first. You know, we've learned that we have to work hard, um, and there's nothing wrong with hard work. It's just that we've been putting it first. And then second, he had said, we're then, uh, utilizing what we generate from work to take care of our family and whatever energy we have left after work, we're using that to take care of family, but then typically with all the other things that we have to take care of in life, we don't have a lot of time for ourselves. And I could really relate to that because I don't know how many times at that point in my life, I've tried going back to the gym and then found myself with no time. Couldn't continue, found myself reconnecting with my hobbies and then, um, you know, having to quit again because I just had no time.

(05:17):

I was stuck in this pattern, this loop of working hard. So I could take care of my family, take care of the bills, take care of, um, you know, friends, family when they needed me. Uh, so it was just not working. You know, I really felt that at the end of the day, and same with the person talking, you really can feel their pain of living life that way. And I think most of us can relate to it because most of us fall into this trap, and it's not our fault. It's not like we're bad people or anything. It's just that, that's what we've been taught. So he started teaching this new concept called how about be selfish? And he said, something really interesting right off the get-go he said, be selfish so that you can be selfless. And I thought that's really interesting. You know, like it's, it's we know this, like, you know, if you think of the word, like, uh, love, for example, you know, they always say like, you can't love another, unless you love yourself.

(06:20):

First, you have to be overflowing with love in order to have that extra love, to give and same thing here with energy, same thing with our time, with our money, with our, everything, we need to be abundance of that in order to give, how do we give something that we don't have? Do we have to steal at that point? We just don't have it. And that's what we're doing. A lot of times we're stealing from our own reserves, our own energy reserves, just to be able to get through how many of you can relate to the fact that you work really hard. You come home and you're giving your children or partner or all of them, even including friends, you're giving them your worst self. You're not able to give them your best self. And I wouldn't say your worst self, but you're, you're not giving them your full energy.

(07:18):

And in some cases, really no energy. I remember coming home some days and just thinking, man, like, I just want to fall down. I'm so tired. And it's just because I had spent my whole day just working and giving and just giving myself in so many ways. Like, you know, my energy, my, my, my mind, uh, emotions, it's just, you know, you're constant in a state of giving. And so I would come home sometimes and just be exhausted and have no time let alone consistency. I had no consistency in my life around like things that made me feel good, like hobbies or exercise. So I, I deeply relate to this. I understand it. And it is a big challenge because when I coach people, uh, and for many years when I coach people, it's one of the first things that say is, Hey, I'd love to change.

(08:12):

I just have no time. I'd love to get to the gym. Just don't have any time. I'd love to start reconnecting to my hobbies. I just don't have any time. Well, the reality is is that we can't squeeze ourselves into our lives. We have to put ourselves first with the mentality of, I want to take care of self and be so selfish so that I can be so selfless. I want to take care of my children and have energy to do so. It's a matter of fact, like I hope I'm still doing sports and, uh, doing outings with my children when I'm like in my sixties, you know, there'll be adults obviously. Well, my is already an adult, but, uh, you know, I hope for that. I hope that I have that energy all the way through until I'm done my life. So, you know, when we think about it through that lens, we really do have to put ourselves first and we can't squeeze ourselves in.

(09:11):

So how do we do it? Well, my recommendations is a first, you have to make the decision that you realize the value of taking care of self and going forward, that you're going to create a plan around being consistent about taking care of yourself. What are the most important needs that you have in order to be able to have your full energy through the day? So there's probably going to be some health needs. So that might be a workout. It might be planning your meals, uh, so that you have better food through the day, better nutrition. It might be, uh, your spiritual studies or religious studies that are important to you. Uh, it might be your personal growth and reading. That's important to you, whatever it is very important to schedule that in. And what I highly recommend is to schedule it in the, in the morning.

(10:04):

And now, as I'm doing this podcast, I'm speaking to myself here too. I'm actually just in the process of re-engaging into this process, because, you know, there was a point in my life when I was doing this and my performance was through the roof, and then you slept from it and then you start getting into consistency and you slept from it again. But, you know, I really want to take that to a new level, including, uh, for myself here. So, very important to understand that a, you got to schedule this in, but B I would do. It's kind of like a ritual in the morning. So if your best time to do this before the children are up or before your partner's up or before things get chaotic at home. And I'm speaking from my house, you know, with children and that, but everyone's in a different situation.

(10:56):

Uh, some people get up and they get right on their phone and get to work and things like that. How about we just get up a little bit early and we schedule time consistently every morning to take care of self first. So that might consist of a workout, reading some spiritual practices, whatever that is for you, that puts you at your best. If we're doing this consistently and we're taking care of ourselves first, how is our family experiencing us now? Probably a little different. Probably they're getting more of the energized you, as opposed to the burnt out you, the tired you, uh, the person who comes home and has only so much energy left for the rest of the day. Now they're getting somebody who's energized and believe it or not. And you know this yourself, actually, if you do a good workout before work and you take care of yourself before work, before you get your day started, it seems to be at the end of the day, you have more energy for yourself and you don't have that same crash.

(12:03):

Now it may take a little bit of consistency to get there, but when you do, you'll find that you'll come home. And there is a state that you can get into, which is you come home and your state of energy and happiness levels are higher than before you started your day. But that really comes with consistency. So my recommendation is try to find, um, a way that you can carve out time for you, and it's consistent for you so that you can daily take care of yourself. Now, I know I speak to a lot of mothers and mothers constantly say, you know, I don't, I just don't have any time. My wife too. She says that a lot, but like, there is a time where you have to speak up for yourself and tell your family, Hey guys, like, I really need to take care of myself.

(12:56):

I need 30 minutes a day. I want to do that. So I could be better for you. Now, think about that. If you say that to your family, they're going to leave you alone and allow you that time. But you yourself have to take that time for yourself. So when we're thinking of selfish, don't think of selfish as a person who just thinks about themselves all day, think of selfish as somebody who is being selfish so that they can be better for the world, better for the children, better for the partner, better member of society. And I recommend you be selfish, be selfish with these lens on, look at it through these lens, through this, um, distinction, as opposed to the old way of thinking of selfish. And you'll find yourself in a very short period of time, having more energy, uh, being a happier person and being able to accomplish more and having more capacity for life. I really hope this podcast helped you here today. And if you think it might help somebody else, please share it with somebody else. And if you haven't done so already at this point, and if you're enjoying these podcasts, I'd ask you to subscribe just so that you can get

(14:13):

It's, uh, the new podcast that we released instantly delivered to you. And, uh, if you could also, uh, take the time a couple of minutes out of your day to leave a review reviews, really help this podcast connect with other people. Uh, they'll read your reviews as well as, uh, the podcast platforms tend to promote people that have more reviews and more feedback. So if you could do that for us, I would be amazing. I appreciate that. I appreciate you. And I appreciate all the comments I'm getting back from people. Uh, you know, and I'm, I'm happy that you're, there are people out there enjoying this podcast and taking something from it. And, uh, I really do love hearing stories when people do take this type of information and they apply it to their lives and they make a difference. There's nothing more gratifying than hearing those stories. So I appreciate you and thank you so much for listening again.